Friday, August 16, 2013

Abby's Journey -- Flow

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your
laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper the sorrow carves into your being,
the more joy you can contain.
-Kahlil Gibran

Where I go to talk to Abby each morning.
In the real world, tragedies and losses affect us deeply and profoundly. We cannot forget the past and we certainly do not remained unscarred from them. Each loss affects us irrevocably. When someone we loves dies, the deepest loss of all, a part of us dies with them, and life will never, ever be the same.
How can we expect to love someone, lose someone -- and not be changed inexorably? How could we think it would be a speedy process? Isn't it more likely that grieving will have aftershocks of loss for the rest of our lives? Grief morphs through time, and that person before the loss is forever changed. Healing will happen because everyone finds ways of healing. Those raw jagged pangs of acute grief will fade but just like a deep wound would leave a lasting scar, a profound loss will leave a deep emotional scar that will at times be very painful. Grief is not a short term process; I don't even believe it's a long term process; I believe it is a life time process. Grieving for Abby will become integrated into each layer of my life. It will be apart of who I am going forward. It will continue to be redefined now and forever as does my relationship with Abby. Death will not end my relationship with Abby, it will forge a new one -- one rooted not on her physical presence in my life but on her memory, her dauntless spirit and our love.
Grief is a universal human experience cutting across all boundaries.
It is a fluid lifelong process to make meaning out of loss.
Yesterday I was finally able to go out in the Blogosphere and look at the many tributes and memorials for my girl. I would like to list the ones that I found that so honored her and express my gratitude for your kindnesses in remembering her. There is much truth in saying that something in me heals in connecting with all of you, you help me to connect to my girl through memories and recollections. Thank you for sharing her.
  1. Meezer Tails -- Sammy, Miles
  2. Cat Post Intelligencer -- Chey, Gemini,Ichiro
  3. Island Cats-- Wally, Ernie, Zoey
  4. On A More Personal Note -- Stella O'Houligan
  5. Brian's Home -- Brian and all of his sisters
  6. Cat Wisdom --Merlin, Odin, Gris Gris
  7. Derby & Ducky
  8. Four White Paws -- The Cat Guy
  9. Catitude -- Quinn & Angel Brandi
  10. George Clooney -- & Neytiri
  11. Sometimes Cat Herd You --Pierre, Ashton, Newton & the cousins
  12. The Cat On My Head-- all 9 of you
  13. Mark's Mews--Ayla, Iza, Marly & TBT
  14. Cat Chat -- Cody & Caren
  15. Jasper McKitten --Jasper, Josie, Maggie & Huggy Bear
  16. Fuzzy Tails -- Derry & Nicki
  17. Madi & Mom
  18. Emma & Buster
  19. Cats of the Wild Woods
  20. Katie Isabella
  21. Timmy Tomcat
  22. Simba's Antics -- Simba & Audrey
  23. Fl Furkids--Raz, Allie,Ellie, Angels Sniffe,Clifford &Tamir
  24. The Cat Blogosphere.
  25. Felines Follies -- Angel Sandy and little Abb
  26. Cherry City Kitties 
  27. Life From A Cat's Perspective -- Samantha, Clementine, Maverick & Mr Tigger
If I have missed anyone I would really like to honor you so please let me know.
A very good and kind soul shared something with me yesterday that helped me take a small step in this grief journey I am on. I mentioned in my update yesterday on Boo's posting that I was feeling I was getting farther and farther away from Abby as the day she left me was slowly fading into the past. But, she shared with me this thought: instead of thinking about moving from her, think about moving towards her. I am one step closer to being reunited with my girl as I move forward. I know she will wait for me to be with her and she just took the lead in this journey ,somehow there is comfort in that for me as I hate to think I have lost her for all my time left. So YES I took my friend's advise and last night at 9:55PM I went outside, I looked up at the Moon which here was shrouded in clouds and I told my girl:
I love you Abby
to the MOON
and back
again and again and again.
But Abby I am stepping towards you.
I am one day closer to being there with you.
Momma is coming.
But I have to take small baby steps.
Wait for me baby.
Watch over me until I can get there.
#pawcircle (@Pawcircle)
Please light a candle for Abby @manxmnews Group *abbys* Candles - Light A Candle… #pawcircle


  1. We think about you so much and we know that beautiful girl is watching over you. Hugs.

  2. We think Brian is right. Abby will always be with you- We keep purring for you all.

  3. abby's mom...just bee coz ewe canna "see her" doez knot meen her iz knot...heer....knot onlee will her ree mane in yur heart.. until ewe physically see her again in heaven...but her spirit will be with ewe 24/7....wait for it.. coz when ewe least expect it; ewe will noe what we meen


  4. Debra, Mom says that was very wise advice you received, and she is going to try to remember it the next time one of us leaves for the RB. Of course, she hopes that won't be anytime soon. Abby was such a lucky girl to have you as her mommy. No one could have ever loved her or honored her more. Purrs and hugs, Lily Olivia, Misty may, Mauricio, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

  5. You are so right about the grieving process. My human has few attachments and rarely feels deeply when someone she knows dies, even family. But there are two losses that will be with her always - one very close friend she lost last year, and the cat before me. And your words rang resonantly with her.

  6. Thoughts and prayers are always with you Deb. I absolutely love the verse about the moon.

  7. That is such good advice. I will try and follow it as well.
    Abby will always be watching over you until it is time to be reunited.

  8. Loss does change who we are, for sure. But the ones we love will always be with us, and we will always be connected even when the physical body cannot be here any longer. I did not make a post because I had only just met you. But I have grieved with you, and for you, all the same, because it's so obvious how much you loved her, and as one who deeply loves her own cats I feel your pain. May you find a measure of peace from all of the beautiful tributes and the support of fellow pet lovers. =^..^=

  9. It is so hard to lose our fur friends but just have to remember they are no longer in pain and running free again. But it is so hard for the ones they leave behind. Take care.

  10. Hi There,
    I just want to say that I of course don't really know you but I just think you are the kindest, sweetest person and seeing how you've ached since finding out about Abby's illness was so heartbreaking. My heart went/goes out to you, but you've done these wonderful things to start your healing even before Abby passed away. Your spending time with her, talking with her and writing your feelings I'm sure are helping your grief process now. Oh how I wish I would have done these things when Lucy was still with me. Regret is a so painful. Sorry. I always seem to circle back to myself, but like you said, grief is (or can be) a life-time process.

    I hope Miss Boo is doing well. You have a huge support network in the CB which I'm sure is very helpful and I hope of some comfort.

  11. I've been out of town Debra, I missed the few days leading up to her passing and now these last several. I hope you saw my message of sympathy on the day she passed in your arms. I was so glad to read you were with her. Please know my silence was due to being on personal retreat at a monastery and not for lack of wishing to journey with you. I thought of you often, what you were going through. Love and hugs....she is still with you, only differently. Lynne

  12. I've always said that when one of us in the CB loses a furbaby, it feels like we've all lost one. At least that's how I felt when Abby left. Hugs to you, Debra.

    Island Cats' mom Sue

  13. You're so right that grief is a lifetime process, especially losing those closest to us, as Abby was to you. Your friend gave you wonderful advice. And any time you feel Abby is too far away, you can always go outside at night and whisper to the moon. She'll be listening. Many hugs and purrs from all of us to you.

  14. It IS a lovely thing that you can talk to Abby by talking to the Moon. And where she is is timeless. So when you meet again, it will be like no time went by for her. Meanwhile, she is whole and free of sickness and pain. That knowledge has helped Mom when former kitties from here died. In every instance except for our Rusty, they were sick, frail, and possibly in pain. She did not want for them to have to live that way, so there was comfort in their journey to the Rainbow Bridge.

    Though we know Abby was truly your heart kitty, your other beautiful cats are still with you and can hopefully help ease the sadness. Boo, Ping, Jinx and Gracie are very special too.

  15. Abby was much loved and you honor her with your beautiful words and inspiring photo quote. It may have touched someone who may not leave comments but deeply moved them. One of the amazing things about blogging is how we can touch others we don't even know exist.

  16. You need to find comfort from within and from your remaining fur family. They miss Abby too and are grieving.

  17. It is true we are changed by loss.

    But I think, really, it was Abby's LOVE, more than her loss, that changed you.

  18. As I have written before, I only started following you when Abby became ill. You are so very eloquent in writing your feelings for her. The writing IS a part of the grieving and healing process. But in reading these posts, I am reliving my grief for my heart cat who passed a long time ago. Our pets are our family. Unfortunately, their lifespans tend to be shorter than ours, so we find that they leave us before we die, and the pain of their loss is deep and long-lasting. It is true what Cathy Keisha said- your other cats are missing Abby too, and they need extra love. They can also comfort you.
    Purrs and hugs.

  19. Angel Abby visited me to day is now angel,came to me; I too am now blessed...Savannah

  20. I am so very sorry to hear of Abby's passing to the Rainbow Bridge. Clearly she has left an indelible mark in your heart and soul and will be missed. Purrs and blessings to you from the Zee/Zoey gang

  21. Yes, it's true that you are going to Abby, and not moving from her. However joyful life was with her, it's nothing compared to what will be when you are reunited. Life here is just a shadow, a pale imitation of the real thing.

  22. Grief IS a lifetime process. You know from emails that we have exchanged that Bobo's passing in 2007 makes me break down the same in 2013 as if it just happened yesterday. It DOES get easier but it never completely goes away, and i don't think that we want it to.
    We love you!

  23. I am sorry about the loss of your darling Abby, it's always hard when our furbabies leave us. And I thought the poem at the end was beautiful. I also take comfort knowing that I will see my babies again one day.

  24. The Ballicai and I are thinking of you and sending love, hugs, and purrs. I love what you said about taking baby steps toward Abby, with her watching over you every step of the way.

  25. Your beautiful Abby is definitely watching over you. Sending you lots of purrs and hugs.

  26. Sometimes, I think we only die "of old age" because we have lost a little bit of ourselves with the loss of each friend and it adds up eventually... ~ TBT

  27. Dad tells us that we are always all together just in different ways. Our Angels come to us in our dreams and we listen.
    We never stop loving, we always feel the loss. Doing what we can for those who do not have homes is how our family copes. We do what we can every day to try and pass this love on always with the memory of our Angels.
    Timmy and Family

  28. We know that your sweet Abby is watching over you, and that you will see her again one day. Thinking of you, and sending love and purrs.

  29. I, too, experience grief as a lifelong process and of course resonate with what you are sharing. I also (like Caren) still feel the passing of my sweet Inka (in 2009) as much today as then. I think of you often and hold you and Abby in my heart as I do know the pain and process you are experiencing. This again was a beautiful post.

  30. We agree with Clooney & Caren & TBT. Rest assured it *does* become bearable, but there will always be moments - we know this all to well, as do so many here. Hugs to you...

  31. I would love to take your pain away, but in itself, it becomes the way to heal itself. You and Abby are so loved.


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