When I took these photographs of you on September 9, 2008 I was immediately struck by their symbolism. In the first image I see you clearly in focus and your image is then reflected in the window in a blurry shadow.
In this image, you are blurry in the foreground and your reflection has the focus.
This is how it is for me now.
I can only see a glimpse of you out of focus and a bit blurry.
You are so far from me, yet so near too.
I can't touch you, yet I feel you everywhere.
Abby, you know how my heart is still aching and how deeply I miss you.
I know you hear me when I speak to you, but I also know you cannot answer me.
I tell you the depth of my love and the completeness of it.
I am still unable to comprehend that you are gone.Gone forever.
Oh yes, I know your body is no longer here.
I have this small tiny box that reminds of that every hour of every day.
But, that is not you.
It is only the remains of your physical body.
You are more than ashes Abby.
You are my breath, and my heartbeat, you are the very essence of me.
I know Abby, that you cannot come back to me on this earth.
My head knows this, but my heart does not want to accept that yet.
That heart reaches for you every. single. day.
I don't think it will ever stop reaching for you.
It may not grieve as painfully as it is right now, but I don't believe
there will ever be a day when the first thought upon my waking will not be of you, nor
the last thought on my mind when I lie down my head to sleep. It does not matter to me that there may be those who don't understand what I am feeling, because YOU did.
Till my dying days there will never be another who will capture my heart
as you did. You knew it was immediate. You remember when our eyes locked June 12, 2005? That sealed the deal between your heart and mine. It was something I undertook knowing it would be forever. Death may have separated us on this earth but it did not separate our love. It will live on as long as I am of this earth. Then when my body is no longer here, I will rejoice in finding you waiting for me,
patiently like you always did each time I returned home. I will be returning home for good, to be with you, my dear sweet baby girl. I know for some reason which I cannot fathom, you had to go ahead of me, but I know you will wait. I know you will. We are forever bound together in spirit, you and I.
So for now my sweet girl, you watch over me, guide me and continue to be patient.
I love you Abby.
Always and Forever Yours,