The above photo is one of my all time favorites of Abby.
The background on it is bittersweet.
She was just home from being in the ER for 3 days.
She was in her "chair".
She seemed to be rallying and I took some of the best photos of her
that morning.
Unfortunately she crashed for a second time that afternoon and
had to be rushed back to the ER for her second stay.
I will tell you I photoshopped the photo at the time to shield myself
really from what was happening to her.
But she was still the same beautiful girl in my eyes no matter what.
So bittersweet this memory is.
I was holding onto to anything that would give me hope.
But today is more about remembering for me
that it is her birthday.
She would have been 17.
I thought then and still to this day that losing my
ability to photograph her would be very hard.
It has been.
When I look at the first photo it makes me so wistful.
Not being able to create more memories with her with my
camera.
She was very comfortable with the camera.
After I lost her, I lost the joy of doing that.
I stopped really.
I stopped shooting photos.
It's hard for me to think, even now, that I can't take anymore
photos of her, and I can only share the ones I have that are now
at least 3 years old. They go back to 2005.
I have thousands of them but they aren't enough.
Nothing could be enough.
But that is the way it is.
I can't change that, and just have to accept it's reality.
I suppose it's more for me now,
than it is for her.
But, there is a profoundness in not
letting her memory fade.
It's important to me.
Even though it brings a tear I am ever so grateful
when anyone remembers her, and says her name.
I miss her.
I wish I could hug her and wish her a Happy Birthday today.
But I will remember her, again today,
and be grateful and wish her a Happy Birthday at the
Rainbow Bridge.
Some of the greatest blessings
come at the greatest
costs.
