Abby's Journey, The Sixth Month

 

Grief, during these past six months since losing Abby, has been my teacher. At first, I riled and raged and cried against it, as I did most painful experiences in my life.  I fought the lessons and the process, outraged that my life had been so cruelly disrupted, but my patient teacher persisted.  Sometimes stern, often compassionate, my teacher continued to gently guide me to the lessons I needed to learn in order to move forward.  These were the hardest things I’d ever been asked to learn.

In fact, I confused them with punishment, which in some ways helped me to turn inward for an answer as to why this was happening to me.  But, I couldn’t really be sure the lessons would serve me until, I felt I had nothing left to lose.  That’s when I learned to listen; to observe the lessons coming out of the chaos around me, like one of those pictures where a perfectly clear 3D image finally emerges from a mess of dots when you stare at it for long enough. 

Grief’s lessons transformed me and I think that was Abby’s purpose in this world.  I miss her desperately but I thank her for her legacy of lessons and love.

We still have far to go, Abby and I. I doubt our journey will be complete until the end, where I am able to hold her again in my arms. My sorrows have lessen by the gentle soft chafing of time taking little bits of the sadness away. Although I am very well aware of moments of being completely engulfed in a wave the size of a tsunami and tumbling through the strong undertow and being lost. Those moments are fewer than they were six months ago. Six months ago I could only see darkness. Now there is a dim light, like a candle off in the darkness, which can be seen burning. I walk towards that light knowing I am walking towards a reunion. I have many steps to go to arrive at that destination but I am steadily moving on this path. Abby & I. She is in the lead and I can just catch a glimpse of an outline, a silhouette of a cat with no tail. She is waiting up head just beyond my reach, but she is there, and I am here but I go on.

 ***

Six month Abby.

Six months.

184 days to be exact. 

There will be another 184, and then another, the days will follow each other one by one. I will see you clearer with each passing one and my grief is lessen by this. I will always measure my days by that moment in August when you were here one moment and gone the next. As much as I miss you, I am eternally grateful for our lives together and our life journey still to come.

***

So Abby let's take our trip to the Moon.

I love you Abby

to the Moon

and back

Again

and again

and again...

Always & Forever