Three

Three years ago today I lost my sweet Abby.
She had turned 14 on July 1,2013.
I adopted her as a older cat when she
was two weeks shy of her 6th birthday.
It was her third and final home.
I promised her I'd always, always take care of her.
 I was so lucky to have her

in my life for over 8 years. She slipped away

from this world in my arms at home. She had been fading for two weeks

despite several vets and specialty vets attempts to help her overcome
insurmountable odds of HCM, hyper-T & renal failure.

They knew. They understood.
It was only going to be a short time before she was gone.

But,I didn't.
 Not until that Monday morning, August 12 2013,when

she looked at me and said Mom I've tried.

I'm tired now and I have to go.

You have to let me go.

And

I did. 

With many decades of life, I've seen my share of losses.

I've lost friends and family to old age and illnesses, as well

as the insidiousness of simply drifting apart.

Life is as much about letting go as it is to 

holding on.

That of which I am keenly aware and still

struggle with.

We try to prepare ourselves for the worst.

Bracing ourselves but we can never know how things will 

end, or how we will feel.

We tell ourselves we're ready,

and so many times ready or not we 

are foisted into a situation for which we are ill equipped to handle.

But loss is much more than a moment, it is something

that endures.

Grief it's co-conspirator is at every turn.

Little things.

Oh those little things that make you remember.
That first morning when I walked in my back door
and she wasn't there was like being hit with a ton of bricks.
She wasn't coming back.
She was never coming back.
That what once was normal life would not ever be the same.
It would be different, very different
 and a new normal of
life would have to be discovered and uncovered.

Death not only brings a painful goodbye, 

but it also reveals regret and guilt.

You do feel a real sense of failure for all you did or didn't do.

No matter what anyone says,

no matter how long it takes,

each of us is entitled to our grief.

I'm certain each of us shares a common thread of

someone saying that we need to get over it,

or it was only a cat,

or you'll just get a new one.

No you won't.

There is no measurement of loss.

One loss is not greater or lesser than another.

Pain is pain no matter what others perceive.

Time is relative to the one who has to live it.

I'd love to think that there would be respect

for that, but sometimes there is not.

***

The most important thing I found was that love

is always there and that it transcends time distance and 

loss. No matter what, my heart has the shape of

an Abby sized love within and that will never die.

And I will always remember.
I will always miss her.
I will always love her.