TBT

I used to have a rather large Santa.

In another galaxy, light years ago,

(with a bad camera)

I took this photo.

It's a good memory.

#TBT

#missingyou

 

Christmas Past

During traditional times of the year I'm reminded of the passages of the family members I have lost and as we prepare for another Christmas without them -- sharing decorations, songs and traditions ; I'm reminded how many people are struggling this holiday season with heavy hearts like mine, that others don't see. That person who just "stole" your parking spot at the mall might have had eyes blurred by tears of homesickness. That person wandering aimlessly in the path of your progress at the store might be drifting in memories of loved ones and lost traditions. That flustered and frustrated mother of three in front of you in line might be crying on the inside for her own mother and trying to figure out how she's going to cook her first holiday dinner by herself.  Or that person sitting next to you at work may have just come from the Vet's office where she had to say her final farewell to a dear life long companion.

*** 

 For myself, this Christmas will be a first without my beloved Abby. There is a heaviness in my heart that I wish I could erase. I know Abby would want me to, but there "it" sits. That sad monster of grief. The one who is keeping me from being able to completely enjoy all the festive things about the Season. I am so reminded of Christmas Past. How much I want to go back and grab all those memories and hold onto to them tightly and not let go. But we do not live in the past, we live in the now. The now has no Abby in it for me except in those memories. As cherished as they are, they are also an abrasion rubbing and chafing at my soul. I want, oh how I want. I want what is impossible to have. So this year my thoughts will be a little different, I will be thinking about so many others like myself who are living their first year without the one cherished soul they most wish to be with. We will all make it through our first Holiday without our loved ones, but it will be a struggle. You will see us with a little less sparkle in our eye, and a slightly bent smile.
And the Song Merry Christmas Darling by the Carpenter will hold a special grip on my heart which will probably break a little as I think of Christmas this year without my Abby.
***
Greeting cards have all been sent
The Christmas rush is through
But I still have one wish to make
A special one for you

Merry Christmas, darling
We're apart, that's true
But I can dream
And in my dreams
I'm Christmasing with you 

  ***

On this Christmas Eve
I wish I were with you
The logs on the fire
Fill me with desire
To see you and to say
That I wish you Merry Christmas
Happy New Year too
I've just one wish
On this Christmas Eve
I wish I were with you

Merry Christmas, darling

***

Please extend peace this season. Warmth. Kindness. Understanding. Patience with your fellow humans.

Rather than our rush, our busyness, our frustration and impatience, may we all find the time to share our joy this holiday with others.  And please remember those of us going through our first holiday without the one we cherish so much. We want to smile and be happy, but this year, it won't be that easy to do. If you look closely you will find tears of loss as we try to find a new sense of peace without the one we want to be with the most.