C.2013
So we do our first Mancat Monday without Mr Jinx here,
but he is still apart of our family, nevertheless.
***
It's been awfully quiet.
You know when you lose someone, you don't always know
what will come. There are things that take you by surprise,
and one of the main things I was so accustomed to with Jinx
was his chattering away, it was a constant background noise.
I must admit, it bothered me from time to time, and I
would tell him to shush! Now of course I so wish he were here
to talk to me. I've told myself countless times
to never do this, but it's happened to me repeatedly.
You wish for something to 'stop' and then
when it does you wish it would 'start'.
I guess that is just one of the many things
that is paradoxical about life and loss.
***
I've looked for him in so many places.
He really was a big part of the glue that held the past
to the present. I know I've told the story about how
Jinx, Ping & Boo came here, but it was
Jinx that kept the 3 of them together.
I learned that throughout
the years. He was their leader, and in turn he became
"the" leader. Quietly leading with his presence.
***
Things have changed, patterns and habits will be
altered, a new normal will one day seem
"normal". But it will take awhile.
I'm worn down by all care giving and loss.
Whether you are a caregiver to a person or an animal
it takes its toll. It's such a seismic shift, because you go
from all this 'stuff' you have to do to
nothing.
Your head and heart can't quite catch up
to the sudden
shift from 100 mph to 0.
ZERO.
It's partly explains why it's so hard
because all that you've been
used to doing ceases to exist.
***
To try and end this messy train of thought,
I have to say
Mr Jinx had a good life.
It started off bumpy, and yes
being abandoned was not ideal,
but at least he found a real home.
He was well loved for nearly 18 years.
No one wants someone they love to leave,
but he had a long happy life.
For that I am grateful.
***
He was simply put a good boy.
