Yesterday as many of you probably noted
was a very rough day, for me. I can tell
you much of it was because of pure exhaustion.
I was able to get some solid sleep last night.
The difference it made for me this morning
is amazing. I say all of that because I feel
it will help Abby just as much as it will help me.
Before I began blogging back in 2005, before I even
knew what blogging was, I journaled. In 2004 the 3 amigos
came to live with us, but none of them were lap kitties.
(All of them to some degree have achieved that designation now)
I wanted a kitty that wanted to be with me.
So began my quest, which led me to Abby.
That was my journal.
It was a file on my computer.
So I pulled out the Journal this morning.
I read through the entire thing. It was almost like a
scrapbook thing I was doing on my computer.
I photographed a few pages and I know it's hard to
read but I just wanted to show you a little of what
I was doing before I found blogging.
From the day Abby arrived I have kept a record of her
life here with me. I am so glad I did.
We forget far too many things as time takes us
through our everyday lives.
Abby this morning in her little nest.
I only snapped these two pictures. I am trying not
to be too intrusive with the camera.
Then all of a sudden I felt fur touch my foot
and look she's up.
I grabbed my camera and the light is low in this room as it faces
north, so basically no sun gets here in the morning, not
the best quality of photos, but you know at this point
that is not what I am worried about.
I truly mean this when I say it, your comments mean a great
deal to me. They help me in immeasurable ways. The FL Furkids
who have just suffered their own deep loss of their beloved
Clifford said "everyday is a gift -- we only realize it more when
we are in a crisis mode", and they are so right. I think we all
believe we have time. Time to do everything we want and then
some, sadly the reality is, we don't. So what time we have
we all should make it count. One thing that I know in my
heart that I can do,
is I will never look back with regret about Abby.
I say that because I always knew her lifespan would be far
shorter than my own, so I chose to be present with her
This also resonated with me,
something Mom Paula of Sweet Purrfections shared:
"by putting all of your thoughts into words and sharing them
with us, you are already starting the healing process."
I know some of the things I share may be hard for some of
you to read. You all have been down this road.
We all have.
It's a rough road.
Just for myself, I am finding a sense of release by sharing
this part of Abby's Journey with you. It is cathartic, albeit
painful and sometimes raw to read or feel.
It probably conjures up memories that would be easier
left not remembered. For myself only, I want to have
each of these memories with Abby preserved.
The Good days, like today. She is showing interest in
food and water and is purring for me when I touch her.
This is a good day.
Or even the Bad days like yesterday when my fear got
a hold of me and wouldn't turn loose.
Thank you for understanding my weakness and
fragility. I am learning a lesson and that brings me to
living in grace.
I know that is will be a process for me and
I know I will have my days of not achieving what I hope.
But I am going to practice hard at forgiveness and
having an attitude of gratitude.
Living in grace and feeling
grounded in the present moment.
Embracing the beauty of living in the
present moment of each day.
is the most
in the whole
I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We'll walk in fields of gold
We'll walk in fields of gold
(Fields Of Gold)