Saturday, August 10, 2013

Abby's Journey Living In Grace

Yesterday as many of you probably noted
was a very rough day, for me. I can tell
you much of it was because of pure exhaustion.
I was able to get some solid sleep last night.
The difference it made for me this morning
is amazing. I say all of that because I feel
it will help Abby just as much as it will help me.

Before I began blogging back in 2005, before I even
knew what blogging was, I journaled. In 2004 the 3 amigos
came to live with us, but none of them were lap kitties.
(All of them to some degree have achieved that designation now)
I wanted a kitty that wanted to be with me.
So began my quest, which led me to Abby.
That was my journal.
It was a file on my computer.
So I pulled out the Journal this morning.
I read through the entire thing. It was almost like a
scrapbook thing I was doing on my computer.
I photographed a few pages and I know it's hard to
read but I just wanted to show you a little of what
I was doing before I found blogging.
From the day Abby arrived I have kept a record of her
life here with me. I am so glad I did.
We forget far too many things as time takes us
through our everyday lives.

Abby this morning in her little nest.
I only snapped these two pictures. I am trying not
to be too intrusive with the camera.

Then all of a sudden I felt fur touch my foot
and look she's up.
I grabbed my camera and the light is low in this room as it faces
north, so basically no sun gets here in the morning,  not
the best quality of photos, but you know at this point
that is not what I am worried about.

This one was not good quality at all, but it shows me her
whiskers and her mood.

I truly mean this when I say it, your comments mean a great
deal to me. They help me in immeasurable ways. The FL Furkids
who have just suffered their own deep loss of their beloved
Clifford said "everyday is a gift -- we only realize it more when
we are in a crisis mode", and they are so right. I think we all
believe we have time. Time to do everything we want and then
some, sadly the reality is, we don't. So what time we have
we all should make it count. One thing that I know in my
heart that I can do,
is I will never look back with regret about Abby.
I say that because I always knew her lifespan would be far
shorter than my own, so I chose to be present with her
This also resonated with me,
something Mom Paula of Sweet Purrfections shared:
"by putting all of your thoughts into words and sharing them
with us, you are already starting the healing process."
I know some of the things I share may be hard for some of
you to read. You all have been down this road.
We all have.
It's a rough road.
Just for myself, I am finding a sense of release by sharing
this part of Abby's Journey with you. It is cathartic, albeit
painful and sometimes raw to read or feel.
It probably conjures up memories that would be easier
left not remembered. For myself only, I want to have
each of these memories with Abby preserved.
The Good days, like today. She is showing interest in
food and water and is purring for me when I touch her.
This is a good day.
Or even the Bad days like yesterday when my fear got
a hold of me and wouldn't turn loose.
Thank you for understanding my weakness and
fragility. I am learning a lesson and that brings me to
living in grace.
I know that is will be a process for me and
I know I will have my days of not achieving what I hope.
But I am going to practice hard at forgiveness and
having an attitude of gratitude.
Living in grace and feeling 
grounded in the present moment.
Embracing the beauty of living in the 
present moment of each day.
the sound
of crunches
is the most
beautiful sound
in the whole

I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We'll walk in fields of gold
We'll walk in fields of gold

(Fields Of Gold)


  1. you and sweet Abby have walked in fields of gold since the day you met each you will make that gold shine as you share her life even more deeply than imagined and we will all hold you both up with our care and understanding; paw pats Savannah and warm hugs Mom Linda

  2. I agree with Savannah, you and Abby are indeed such a gift to each other and that is what will make the heart smile, even when it is tough. We love you Miss Abby, hugs and love from all of us.

  3. You are right - I think every human here has been down this road, many more than once. Purrs to you and Abby on your journey. ♥

  4. Oh dear friend, the comments above are so right., You and Abby are a gift to each other, and I know she loves you as much as you love her. I'm so happy you shared your journal with us too - and even happier that you created it in the first place. I think it will bring you great comfort .Thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and sweet Abby. HUGS!

  5. This journey is a very hard one but you are doing an exceptional job of writing about it and writing all the feelings that we have all felt at times. The hardest thing is when our wonderful companions of many years get old and sick. Thanks for all the wonderful words that you have written about Abby. We send you both lots of purrs and prayers.

  6. I can't write a thing that hasn't already been said, and far more poignantly.

    I do find it hard to read all the details; for me, they open old wounds regarding Annie.

    But you both are in my thoughts and prayers every day, and every morning when I get up I hope you and Abby are blessed with another good day together.


  7. You're right that many (maybe most) of us have been down this road, too. But each journey is unique, and each is intensely personal. Thank you for sharing your record of this roller coaster ride with us. We will cheer on the good days and hug you through the bad ones, too. Give Abby our love. We are purring for you both.

  8. The little joys like hearing a cat eat is huge. Cats teach us to appreciate the little things and Abby is a master. Sending big mancat purrs from our four boys :-)

  9. I wish I could put down in words how I feel. I've tried. But I can't. And so my "journal" remains only in my heart and mind. Reading your posts really make me wish I knew how to put my thoughts down in writing. Because it helps, as Mom Paula rightly said.

    I'm glad it's a good day for Abby today. Much love to Abby.

  10. I think what we are all trying to do in times like you are living through right now is to try to release the fear. I always remind myself that the *kitty* does not feel fear or dread, only the natural physical feelings of her own body, and the happiness, comfort and love you bring to her. I have tried (with only mixed success of course) to be more like them--not fear the next day or the next week or month. What happens will happen and my fears will neither cause nor prevent it. Whatever the future is for Abby, she is one of the most fortunate of kitties--she has had a LIFETIME of love and comfort and play and safety and she always will because you will be with her at every step. We love you! XOXOXO

  11. Hey Abby
    You sweet kitty love unconditionally and are loved surely feel the love as Mom and I can all the way up here in NC.
    Mom once read the present is a and your peeps savor it
    hugs madi and Mom your bfff

  12. I, too, have heard that expression, "The present is a gift; that's why we call it the 'present.'" So true, and what a gift to enjoy every precious present moment with our loved ones. You and Abby are in my heart and thoughts. The Ballicai and I are sending big hugs and lots and lots of warm purrrrrrrrrrrs.

  13. je sais combien c'est difficile, et suis avec vous.

  14. You so eloquently put into words the journey that all of us have taken and yes we are with you in it now. Purrs and gentle hugs Caro xox

  15. You have joy / you have fun / you have seasons in the sun and you are truly enjoying them. Sending healing purrz that Abby will fight on with your help and everlasting love. I will dedicate another song to Abby tonight at the Nipclub Monthly. #Abbysporch

  16. it's true by talking and sharing these with us, you not only start the process of healing/grieving, you also lessen your burden. you should not carry this alone. we have come to love abby and the other kitties online. we feel connected.

    emma and buster

  17. It's the little things, isn't it? "the sound of crunchies" that's the important thing today. And the purr.

  18. What a blessing everyday is for you and Abby. Don't worry about tomorrow or the day after. Enjoy each day together to the fullest. Prayers, purrs and hugs, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May Giulietta, Fiona, Lisbeth, Astrid and Calista Jo

  19. The love and blessings that you and Abby share are beautiful to behold. We, too, are holding you close in our hearts, and purring and praying for you each and every day. Much love to you both.

  20. As has been said and I have said it too since Abby got so ill...we each have trodden this awful path. Our tears have soaked our shirts and we have cried till we can't summon tears for awhile. It is true heart break and our sorrow when they are ill and we can't make it better ourselves is second to none.

    The CB is loving, supportive and merciful in its caring to all of us. We are connected by our hearts and minds. We will all walk along with you Debra. Every inch of the way.

  21. I find all the posts in which you share about Abby extremely touching and beautiful. You have a gift of expressing yourself and the love you both have for each other. I love that you are "walking in fields of gold" and you sharing your experience with us allows us all to heal. Prayers and healing light to Abby and you.

  22. You are not alone, we are keeping you company on your journey, good to know how you feel about this and that it helps. Purrs and hugs to you and Abby.

  23. We are so glad to hear that today is a better day. We went running off this morning and couldn't say anything.

    You continue to be in our thoughts. We have no other words of wisdom other than we know that Abby is a very lucky cat to have a person like you.

  24. you are going to have up and down days - but one minute, one hour, one day, one week, one month at a time - savor it all, write it down, take pictures, revel in the good days, they will carry you through the bad ones. {{HUGS}} - MeezerMomMary

    purrs n nosekissies to mine gorgeous sweet tuxie princess Abby

    your adoring floofy cocoapuff meezerman Sammy

  25. Purrrrrrrssss and headbonks to you and Abby. May the journey be painless, and may we puuuray it has a ways to go yet.

  26. beautiful to go back in time. purrs and purrs. enjoy the moment.

  27. Thank you for sharing these most personal of feelings.
    I have diaries of my boys and look back from time to time with smiles knowing that some day they will bring tears. This is the circle of life.
    Purrs and prayers for Abby.
    Much love from all of us at the Tomcat Home

  28. Each and every blog post you have done for Abby has been deeply cherished by all of us.
    This journey isn't easy, Abby is blessed to have you.
    I love that you have documented her life even before having a blog. You are truly special


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