I really don't know how to begin this post.
There's a lot I wanted to write down but
the words seem to be hard to come by.
***
In 2005 I started blogging because I wanted
a journal about Abby. I wanted something
that was as permanent as it could be, and it
turned into a great deal more than just talking
about Abby, but it was borne in the idea that she
was the thing it all centered around.
When I lost her, I went down a very steep dark
road, and it's been a rocky one ever since.
My life has been no harder or easier than
anyone else's but we all deal with things
differently. I chose to share some of my deep
inner insecurities and sadness and I know
that isn't 'fun' read by any stretch of the imagination.
***
But, things have changed.
Blogging has changed.
Life is so different.
And so much harder.
There are so very few of the us
left who began
cat blogging from the mid-2000's,
and most all of the cats,
if not all,
have all gone to
the Rainbow Bridge.
Every single cat that passes over,
I feel a deep sadness over,
as I'm sure you
do as well.
Maybe some more than
others because you knew them more.
But I feel the loss because of my own
cat losses,
and we all know the feelings
that come out when we have to say
farewell.
***
I think I've come to the conclusion
that it's time to take a pause.
Maybe a fork in the road.
I didn't want to leave and not explain
because I look back at the list on my feeds
and see so many blogs and one day
they stopped.
I still wonder why.
(Still wondering)
***
I feel I owe you,
those of you who
drop by a final word.
I've stepped back so much from social media
because there is so much struggle
and sadness I carry inside.
I've finally come to understand a great deal
of it but I still carry it.
A lot of days it grows heavy to
carry it.
And it's made me draw inward more
than ever, and then of course
the entire world was forced to draw inward
because of Covid19 and that only made
life more isolating.
***
I know that by drawing myself off I was
not seeing much traffic, and I really do
understand that. But it's a self filling prophecy
that when you do "x", "y" happens.
And it did for me.
It was my doing by not engaging that led
to not being engaged with.
***
So I think a hiatus is called for.
I will post from time to time, I still feel so
strongly that it is the story tellers who
keep alive the memories of those who
have gone before and I owe it to my Abby,
to post the days of most significance.
And also the others cats as well.
***
I thank all who have read this and who have
come and visited with us.
I apologize for not being a better visitor to you
because I wasn't able to do it.
But I do cherish all the memories.
Keep well.
Keep strong.
Onward...
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