Thursday, June 06, 2024

The Closing Circle


How do I sum up 20 years' worth of memories?
How do I express how much is within 
that time frame?
I begin with where it began,
and it all began with her.
In 2004 some foolish person abandoned 3 cats near by
home and they were adopted by me and my husband.
Boo, Ping & Mr Jinx.
Jinx was the first to leave in 2021,
followed by Ping in 2023,
and now the circle is complete and 
Boo is with her two brothers.
Boo was my final link to Abby.
Abby is my soul cat who left in 2013.
It's over, the circle has closed,
and has been completed.
My husband passed in 2021.
They're all gone now and together again.

 I suppose the mission of this blog in keeping
Abby's memories are done.
Because there are no more memories to make.
But I had to give one last final homage to the one who started it all.

Boo you were such a quiet mystery.
When we first met you were elusive and standoffish,
and typically, feline.
But as time marched on and each cat left us,
more of your personality emerged and you began showing yourself.
Towards the final years you became more
affectionate and you stuck to me like glue.

There was never NOT a time though, that you were not
docile and sweet natured.
You rejected conflict with Annabelle who so enjoyed
bedeviling you 
 even to the morning of your final day.
Oh that bratty sister I can hear you meowing!
These last years you stayed close by to me following me
wherever I went and nestled up to me at night.
I have to tell you Boo last night was hard,
knowing you weren't here beside me anymore.
At least not physically, although I hope you stay close by spiritually.
Breaking those habits of seeing you every moment
will take me some time to process.

I find it hard to believe that there isn't a one of us who 
doesn't question our decisions to say farewell.
Even though it's been in my general thoughts because of 
advancing age, I knew your time was nearer.
What was unexpected was how suddenly things turned.

To give some insight, last year my Mothers 14-year-old Jack Russell
developed seizures. I saw the progression of what Muffy went through
 and listened
to her Vet talk about what to expect.
A few weeks ago, Boo began having facial tics. They were
few and far between, but I kept watching her.
My main goal and concern was just keeping her
comfortable as she aged. I didn't want to subject her to 
a lot of medical visits if I didn't need to.
But on Tuesday evening, 6/4/24 something very different happened.
She was sleeping next to me in a chair and suddenly she started
acting like she was going to vomit, she was drooling heavily
from her mouth and she lost her balance and became disoriented.
She was having a seizure.

It was all over very quickly but I knew things had changed.
 After we went to bed, she had another attack.
Subsequently followed by more.
I knew.
That dreadful unflinching knowing.
From seeing what my Mothers dog went through I 
knew where it was headed.
I didn't want it to get as severe as I had witnessed with Muffy.

I got an urgent care appointment on Wednesday (6/5) 
 and my heart knew.
As I drove her to the Vet's office, that knowing feeling grew and grew.
I couldn't let her suffer with more attacks.
Even with medication, how much time was
I buying her? Was it for me or her?
I have been through enough losses that my decision was not to let
things get worse and not subject her to endless vet appointments
and needles and pills.
She was seemingly fine while the Vet examined her.
I had videoed her last attack. 
I shared it with the Vet.
The Vet knew too.
But she offered me a few options.
None of them offered anything but maybe
a small amount of time.

Did I want to make that decision to a cat that seemed
 OK right at the moment.
NO! I didn't.
Every fiber of my being wanted to grab her and run out the door. 
I didn't want to leave with an empty carrying case.
I just knew it was all so unfair.
Unfair to her to continue on and unfair to let her go.
I had to choose, and I did.
I let her go...
As it turned out I was the final person in the office,
and as I left,
with my empty carrier,
the rain was falling like the tears down my face.

Part of me feels settled with the decision because I know Boo had a 
long and happy life.
But it's never enough.
Even though rationally I know I did the right thing, my heart doesn't
feel that way.
Hard decisions are hard.

 I loved you for so many years, decades, and you loved me.
That love doesn't die, I know this.
It will live on inside of me until I am reunited again with all
of my boys and girls.
But it hurts like hell.
I've gone through a lot of loss, and it never gets easier.
The older you become the more the losses add up.

It's always hardest on the ones left behind.
We have to live with just memories of what once was.
Face a future with the absence of that which our heart
was deeply attached to.
Even though I have great gratitude for all the years,
the bitterness of the loss will hurt for some time to come
Until the heart forms it's scar tissue over that wound
and the memories will be more comforting than hurtful.

I know that the loss of my girl won't change the world,
but it changed my world, and it's gotten much bleaker
without her.
She was an angel while she was here and now, she's an angel
with fine silk gossamer wings.
Her health has been restored and she young again
with a beautiful coat that shines like silk 
as in the photos above of her in her prime, 
and she's happy.
I will tell myself these things and believe them.
For that is what I want for her.

 Boo I miss you.
 Boo I remember that day twenty years ago,
of you dashing across the yard like a rocket through the air,
you were so fast.
You raced the wind,
now you can again.
I will always remember you racing to me that day.
It's etched in my mind like the beauty of a sunset.
I've keep looking for you, but I can't find you.
You were just here and now you're not.
I know one day I'll be ok, just not today,
and maybe not tomorrow either,
or even weeks from now.
But soon.
I love you my sweet girl.
I just love you.

Thank you Ann for the lovely badge.

Thank you to Meerier's Mews for the 
lovely tribute.



  1. What a terribly sad day. Miss Boo was a constant; like my Renn with my beasts, Boo spanned all the cats you had. So many years, so many memories; she would make her own and bring you those of the others. You did the right thing, as you know, but it is, as you wrote, never enough, knowing that, and knowing you gave her a long and happy life. Nonetheless, it was a long and happy life; without you, Boo's life would simply not have been. Godspeed, Miss Boo, and God bless her mum.

    1. Thank you John was your kind and wise words for my beautiful Boo.

  2. WE are sorry for the loss of Miss Boo. She always reminded me of my beautiful tuxie Sally Cookie, who died in 2021. They always leave precious memories.

  3. Debra, I am so very sorry. We here in TT know the
    emptiness, not just of those who are gone, but of that loss
    of “ an era “. Annabelle and Mackerull are left to follow in the
    paw prints, or start anew.
    Boo you are and always will be the most gorgeous tuxie, and
    while we’ve said it a thousand times before, we will say it
    a thousand again; that St Francis saw you safely to heaven
    where you will start your tenth life. Please send mom a sign
    that all is well. We understand how hard this is. We understand her decision, it is about quality of life๐Ÿ’™
    with love and hugs from dude, boomer, dai$y, tuna, sauce, mackerull and Laura๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–

    1. Thank you Laura for the compassion and understanding. I know you fully do with the loss of your Angel Mackerull. I think your thoughts about a 10th life is so wonderful and makes my heart feel so much better.

  4. I'm so very sorry to hear about the beautiful Miss Boo. It's always so difficult. Love and hugs from all of us.

    1. Thank you Terry. You have always been such a good friend to all of my MN'ers. I so appreciate your kindness to each one of them throughout all these years.

  5. Debra, so little to say, you've said all with so much love for Miss Boo and all your others ... my heart hurts for you, may she now rest well and at peace. And in time may peace come to you.

    1. Thank you Ann for all the warmhearted thoughts and how much I deeply appreciate the badge you made for Boo. I will add it to this post as soon as I can.

  6. Debra, I'm so sorry for Miss Boo's passing. No matter how long they are with us, it's never long enough. You wrote beautifully, and I cannot possibly add anything that will ease your journey through grief, because we both know there isn't anything that will. Sometimes I still find it strange that life goes on, even in the face of great loss. We are never quite the same, though, and can't be. I'm sending you hugs and Light and wishing you grace and peace. ❤️

    1. Your words of tender sympathy for my darling Boo means so much to me. I know you understand great loss yourself Kim and the difficulties it takes to make these decisions and go on. We are so deeply changed by these experiences and we are never the same.

  7. We are so sorry to hear about Miss Boo. She had a lovely long life with you and that's all we can do. Our thoughts

    1. Thank you Bonnie. I know we have bookends with each other with me saying farewell to a long lived life and you getting a new one into yours.

  8. Debra I am so very sorry to read about Miss Boo the sweet tuxie of the circle....I send you lots of healing hugs and purrs
    We promise our pets the best quaility of life full of love, shelter and food. When that quaility is gone and replaced by pills and shots...that none of them like.... we must let them go.

    1. Thank you Cecilia for sharing your kind words with me. I am at such a loss myself. I know things will change again as life is so unpredictable but I just need to give it more time.

  9. We are so sorry Miss Boo has gone OTB. We know the heartache of so many losses. (((hugs)))
    The Florida Furkids and Mom Sharon

    1. Thank you Sharon I so appreciate hearing from you.

  10. I am so so sorry to read about Miss Boo, may she run freely over the Rainbow Bridge. I am sending you lots of hugs during this hard time, Layla's Mom

    1. Thank you greatly for stopping by and remembering my girl with me.

  11. TBT: Our thoughts and purrs are sent to you this day. We understand the loss you feel.

    But I want to add something about the name "Boo". Around 2000, I stopped at a gas station while driving to work. It was a cold rainy November morning. A cat approached me, crying. The gas station guy said she had been tossed out a car window as they left. And they didn't want her around. I took her home.

    She was a long-haired cat and I called her "Cher" and I am not used to long-haired cats. But my supervisor had just lost "the rather mean family cat" and was interested. He came to my house and took her home.

    He named her "Boo" (wide-eyed and somewhat startled expression). And she was loved.

    So two "Boos", both abandoned, rescued, and then loved... I HAD to say something about that!

    1. Thank you Mark for sharing that story with me about another Boo who was abandoned and then rescued! I so appreciate your stopping by and sharing my Boo with me over all these years.

  12. I'm so sorry for your loss. You had many years with Boo but as we know, it's never enough. Huge hugs♥

  13. Debra, I, as do all of us here know and have suffered the loss of our beloved cats. Those of us who love our little ones grieve with you. Boo remained innocent all her blessed life, didn't she? But her love is safely stored in your heart always. And yours stayed within her heart too...never failing.

    1. I so hope your right Carole. I hoped she knew there in the Vets office what I was doing was for her and that she understood that I was trying to shield her from more of a downhill slide. I just miss her so so much.

  14. I am so sorry for your loss of Boo. She had a good long life, but it is never long enough. It is the hardest decision, but you know it was the right one. My love goes to you.

    1. I know you understand Jackie. Thank you so much for thinking of us.

  15. Miss Boo was a beautiful girl. I am sorry it was her time. It is never long enough. XO

    1. Thank you Ellen, and also thank you again from over the years the toys you made for my cats, Annabelle still has one out right now!

  16. Dearest Debra,
    Yes, it is so very hard to lose our sweet kitties.
    As you mentioned here above, even your husband in 2021.
    It is the toughest decision to make for seeking help from the vet to end their suffering. Our Dido boy lived through that end of November, without me even being able to go with my husband to be there for him... Then our Speckie girl in January, where we both went with her and then my husband himself. Now I have three senior siblings of 17 years and 2 months that I have to see through.
    Boo reached a remarkable age!
    Mariette + Kitties

    1. Marlette your sweet words were so comforting and I appreciate all of them. Thank you for thinking of my Boo.

  17. I'm so very sorry. 20 years is a long time, but no longer how long we have them for, it's never long enough.

    1. It's so true Melissa everything you wrote. Thank you for thinking of us at this time.

  18. I am so incredibly sorry. I believe you will be reunited in the afterlife, but I know how little comfort that brings right now. Sending lots of love and hugs and purrs from me and the boys.

    1. Thank you for kind words for Boo. Yes, I do fully agree with you, I believe that all of my beloved furries are waiting for me and I can't wait to hug them all again.

  19. You are undertaking the long journey through grief. While others may share that grief we all walk it alone. There are no right or wrong paths, no proper way to carry oneself, no set amount of time to complete it. Some steps will come easier than others. There will be rogue waves of grief that you won’t see coming, and knock you back days. But you will come through it. If you get lost let us know. We have been through it before and we might be able to help you find the way out.

    1. Thank you for your warm words and support, it means more than I could ever express.

  20. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel. Losing a furbaby is so incredibly painful, especially when they have been with you for so long. Sending you many hugs to help ease your sadness.

    1. Sue I know you do understand. We both lost our beloved cats. I so miss Ernie and Wally, Wally was my husbands name and it always gave me a smile when I would see that sweet orange face of his. Thank you for your thoughts and purrs and hugs.

  21. Very sad to hear and my heart goes out to you. ๐Ÿพ

    1. Thank you so much for your kindness and I do greatly appreciate it.

  22. Such a loving tribute. My heart aches for you and this latest loss. They never do stay with us long enough but I pray that with time your present hurt will be replaced with all those loving memories you were able to share for 20 years. Sending tender thoughts of comfort. ๐Ÿ’”

    1. One day, yes one day those memories will be able to bring me comfort, just not right now. But, I know they will. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your compassionate words, I truly appreciate them.

  23. We're so sorry for your loss. Life is just so hard. Sending our love and purrs xx

    1. Thank you so much. Someone said to me recently that life is beautiful but brutal and that is exactly the perfect way to describe it. Your kind words mean a great deal.

  24. My heart aches for you. It's been just over a year since I made the tough decision for our twenty-year-old Jezebel who suddenly lost the ability to walk. That vet offered to send us home with various medications but I knew it would have been for my benefit, not hers. Letting go, painful as it is, is one of the greatest gifts we can give our precious pets.

    I hope you have loved ones to help you through these difficult losses. Hugs, my dear.

    1. Darla I can so relate to you and your beloved Jezebel. When faced with the awful choices and having to make a decision which has no good options is a very painful place to be. Not one I was even anticipating 24 hours before. I just hoped my Boo knew I was giving her the best option and it was made with thinking of what was in her best interest and not mine. It was my final act of love. Thank you so much for your gentle words today.

  25. Debra, our hearts are breaking for you. We are so sorry to hear of Miss Boo's passing. For as long as we have been blogging friends, we have loved Boo from afar. Thank you for loving her so deeply, and for sharing her with all of us. Please know we send love and gentle purrs of comfort your way.

    1. Your soothing words help and thank you thank you for loving my Boo for so long and being here with us all these years. It's almost been 20 years since I began this blog and it astounds me how fast the time has gone. I appreciate all of your comfort and compassion.

  26. We read about Miss Boo on the Blogosphere and wanted to come and pay our respects, even though we did not know her. What a beautiful, thoughtful post on such a difficult subject. Miss Boo was lucky to share her life with you. Our sincere condolences.

    The Chans of The Poupounette

    1. I'm sorry you didn't get to know my Boo, she was such a dignified ladycat. But I truly appreciate your generous thoughts and sympathy. Thank you for sharing with me.

  27. We are so sorry for the loss of your Angel Boo. We know she had a long and happy life with you, but it's never enough - even with the knowledge you will be reunited one day. We send you hugs and pawpats and soft purrs of comfort. And to Angel Boo, We say - fly free now, little one, free from all hurt and pain, made young and healthy again, safe in the Loving Paw of the Great Cat in the Sky.

    1. Thank you for sharing your kind thoughts and comfort with me today. I am still in state of shock. Even when you have a vague awareness of time winding down, it still numbs you when it actually happens.

  28. Oh, Debra, we're so so sorry another loss came to you. It's a miracle that you're still standing while your heart is broken again. The tribute to your beloved Angel Boo touched us deeply and we're sorry that you had to say Goodbye again, for now, because you know that goodbye's are not furrever๐Ÿ’žSoft Pawkisses to comfort you and sweet Annabelle๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ˜ฝ๐Ÿ’ž Fly free beautiful Soul✨

    1. Thank you dear Granny. I wept along with you when Binky because an Angel, oh how I remember that sweet one. I am deeply appreciative of kindness and your understanding and I so hope I have honored my girl, I can't find enough words to say how special she was to me and how much I miss her.

  29. You lost a fine and beautiful cat, I am so sorry because she was such an important part of your family's life. Your tribute moved us so much.

    1. Thank you for helping me remember my sweet girl. It is greatly appreciated that you came by, and means more than you know.

  30. So sorry to read about your beloved Miss Boo flying off to Kitty Heaven.
    Sending tons of hugs.

    I made a memento for you and sent it via email...its also on our blog of June 9th.

  31. Thank you so much for remembering my beloved Boo. Your words mean a great deal to me and I will add your memento to her tribute.

  32. This is a wonderful tribute to Boo. So sad.

    1. Thank you for your kind words, I deeply appreciate your thoughts during our difficult journey.

  33. Replies
    1. Thank you for thinking of us during this difficult time.

  34. Dear Debra, It is with such great sadness to hear of Miss Boo getting her angel wings. I feel has if something has a tight grip on my heart. I still haven't figured out if it hurts more when we lose one of our fur babies too young or when they have a nice long life. Your tribute to Miss Boo is beautiful, and I know she and all your other angels will be watching over you. At age 75 I have seen so many beloved pets and friends leave my life, and each has left their mark on my heart. I hope you can take comfort in knowing that so many shared your love of Miss Boo and now share your grief. Sending many prayers, love and warm hugs, Janet and Kitties Blue

    1. Janet thank you so much for your heartfelt words. I truly am at a crossroads. Adrift for the moment it seems. Like you I don't know what hurts more because I have experienced both. I do know that Boo's loss was critical because she is the one who made all the rest happen. Hard not seeing her here with me now even though it's only been 10 days it seems longer. I wish I understood why the need to mark the time but it is something that is very common to do. Thank you again for your kindness, my appreciation is great.


We always love hearing from you please leave some pawprints!
Happy purrs