Sunday, August 11, 2013

Holding Back

Another day,another roller coaster.
Many things happened this morning that made me feel we had reached the end of our ride, but that isn't what occurred. Abby is holding on,a little less steady, but holding her own. I saw what the Vet probably already knows is going on with Abby's tiny little body. A war is being waged, one that only God can repair. This afternoon, Abby and I have had a very lovely conversation, and we talked a lot about the past, the memories, the way we feel about one another, the way two very dear ones do. I think we got it all said. But that doesn't mean I want to lose her. But it was good. I got to see a little of my sweet sassy girl again briefly. Her Daddy came to give a kiss and she wasn't having it. Nope, not at all. She gave him the smacky paw! BOOM! We also got to share an old habit we use to do daily, but for some reason it stopped months ago. She got to drink fresh water out of her beloved bathroom sink. I was glad of that as I had forgotten how I use to run the faucet and place my cupped hands beneath her and she would drink from my hands. She has been giving me lots of kitty kisses today on my fingers and marking me with that quick downward motion of her chin. You've seen all cats mark with their chins, well she always wanted my hand presented to her so she could mark me. I have made the mistake from time to time and tried that with the other four kitties and they look at like I am a nut. So she is resting right now inches from me in the bedroom. She's been dreaming a lot, I wonder, do you think she is dreaming about her younger days when she was queen of all she surveyed? I want her restored to her former healthily self, seeing her this way, makes my heart ache. But she is lucky, lucky that someone loves her so dearly to care for each whim, and cater to every need. But she deserves no less, because in my world she is the queen. Tonight I will be at her side as I think it will a long night and like Scott Smon I want to hold back time for my Abby. I know I cannot but like Scott I just want to hold it back to keep Abby. I want to roll it back and begin again. Fix my mistakes and have a happily ever after. I know. I know I can't -- that's just my fruitless wish. But for this moment I will say we have One More Day and I'm still wishing for one more day with Abby. I picked her up a short while ago and took her to the window and we looked out and I told her we would fly to the moon tonight,and so we shall. We'll fly again and again and again, and pray for Mornings light and the blessing of another day.

I do have posts I preplanned. To be truthful when I did them I didn't know what lay ahead. So some contain Abby I believe before she got so sick. I don't know ... Oh my goodness there are those crunches again....yay for small victories...I don't know when I may write again, heck I may write again tonight but I doubt it. This is all me just keeping her journey intact.

Thank you all again. Your words sustain me and are helping my aching heart.


Scott Simon (@nprscottsimon)
I see dawn coming in sky and want to hold it back to keep my mother from what's ahead--to keep my mother, period.

24 comments:

  1. Hugs to you and all our love and purrs to Miss Abby. We love you beautiful Ladycat.

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  2. We're right here for you and Abby. Purrs and hugs and lots of love for both of you.

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  3. Hugs, purrs and prayers being sent your way, constantly. We love you, Abby.

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  4. It sounds like you two had a nostalgic day. Hugs

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  5. I'm sending more purrs your way... I know that Abby's grace and spirit are strong, let that keep you going.

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  6. How precious. Nothing beats your time together. Sending healing purrz as I wait on #Abbysporch.

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  7. Purrs and hugs and lots of love to you and dear little Abby. You have such a precious bond. The Ballicai and I hope you can feel our love.

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  8. Momma wasn't around on the computer much today at all. We however have been home purring for you and Miss Abby.

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  9. Sending hugs, purrayers, and pawsitive thoughts for Abby and you, tonight. XOXO

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  10. *hugs* Sending you guys loves of love and prayers from me, George, Mini and the rest of the Hotties. Praying for Abby miracles :)

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  11. My heart breaks for you all. I know so well what you're going through, we went through it when we lost our Inigo. If only there was a way to keep them healthy and with us forever...

    We're keeping you all in our thoughts and purrs. I hope Miss Abby has a lot more good days ahead. She's a very special girl.

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  12. I love you and I love abby - She is showing you how much she loves you - Alex, when he was sick, always did the same thing... I was amazed once how he jumped like a maniac trying to get a bug.. Cherish every moment....

    Sending good vibes...

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  13. Hugs and love to both of you. xxxxoooo

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  14. we love you both more than you can imagine.
    You are both so blessed. Please give that brave girl extra kisses from me and some for you too
    xoxoxo

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  15. Sending lot of (((purrs))) and huggies <3

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  16. Dad here:
    I have spent similar times with cats I have loved so dearly that it was very hard to continue on in anything but caring and loving them. Some recovered and some have passed over the Bridge. I know they all were given every bit of love I could give.
    I am reading a book where the author said, and, please this is not a quote, that due to our dear furs length of live we live some four or five cat lives. These are those special ones that seep deeply into our hearts. I hold my Ming, Pee Girl, and Inky deep inside myself with Timmy now as my heart kitty. Yes there are others right there but not to that depth, not to that level. It is just something you know and cannot explain.
    Lots of support from all of us here
    Dad and Family

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  17. Just a few more pleasures, yes. Oh, and I love Scott Simon and his words are so, so true about how you and we all are feeling right now, for Abby and for you...

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  18. It was nice to see Abby having a little spunky time with smacking her daddy, who also loves her so much. She felt good enough at the time to take care of that little chore. Prayers are always with you, your hubby, and Abby.

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