Holding Back

Another day,another roller coaster.
Many things happened this morning that made me feel we had reached the end of our ride, but that isn't what occurred. Abby is holding on,a little less steady, but holding her own. I saw what the Vet probably already knows is going on with Abby's tiny little body. A war is being waged, one that only God can repair. This afternoon, Abby and I have had a very lovely conversation, and we talked a lot about the past, the memories, the way we feel about one another, the way two very dear ones do. I think we got it all said. But that doesn't mean I want to lose her. But it was good. I got to see a little of my sweet sassy girl again briefly. Her Daddy came to give a kiss and she wasn't having it. Nope, not at all. She gave him the smacky paw! BOOM! We also got to share an old habit we use to do daily, but for some reason it stopped months ago. She got to drink fresh water out of her beloved bathroom sink. I was glad of that as I had forgotten how I use to run the faucet and place my cupped hands beneath her and she would drink from my hands. She has been giving me lots of kitty kisses today on my fingers and marking me with that quick downward motion of her chin. You've seen all cats mark with their chins, well she always wanted my hand presented to her so she could mark me. I have made the mistake from time to time and tried that with the other four kitties and they look at like I am a nut. So she is resting right now inches from me in the bedroom. She's been dreaming a lot, I wonder, do you think she is dreaming about her younger days when she was queen of all she surveyed? I want her restored to her former healthily self, seeing her this way, makes my heart ache. But she is lucky, lucky that someone loves her so dearly to care for each whim, and cater to every need. But she deserves no less, because in my world she is the queen. Tonight I will be at her side as I think it will a long night and like Scott Smon I want to hold back time for my Abby. I know I cannot but like Scott I just want to hold it back to keep Abby. I want to roll it back and begin again. Fix my mistakes and have a happily ever after. I know. I know I can't -- that's just my fruitless wish. But for this moment I will say we have One More Day and I'm still wishing for one more day with Abby. I picked her up a short while ago and took her to the window and we looked out and I told her we would fly to the moon tonight,and so we shall. We'll fly again and again and again, and pray for Mornings light and the blessing of another day.

I do have posts I preplanned. To be truthful when I did them I didn't know what lay ahead. So some contain Abby I believe before she got so sick. I don't know ... Oh my goodness there are those crunches again....yay for small victories...I don't know when I may write again, heck I may write again tonight but I doubt it. This is all me just keeping her journey intact.

Thank you all again. Your words sustain me and are helping my aching heart.

	Scott Simon (@nprscottsimon)
7/28/13, 4:46 AM I see dawn coming in sky and want to hold it back to keep my mother from what's ahead--to keep my mother, period.