Do you ever spend time going back through things and seeing them through different eyes? I found the last birthday card my Grandmother sent to me before she died. As you can see from the handwriting, hers had deteriorated to being nearly indecipherable. But aside from the date which was of my own making, I interpreted what she wrote. I also have one of the many rings she wore as a wedding band and one of the last pictures taken of her at the assisted living center she was in. Today would have been her 102 birthday, she died in 2002 at the age of 92. She lived a good long life and she was lucky in so many ways, although knowing her, I am not sure she would agree with me. She was a character, but I was her only Granddaughter, and even though she gave tough love, I knew she loved me in the only way she knew. I miss her, I miss her more now than I ever have. I wish I had asked her lots more questions about her life. Now all I have are a few things that belonged to her and pictures and a few written items, but they do not replace the person. Nothing does. Perhaps I am just getting more sensitive as my age grows, or maybe I am just more aware that I have less time on this earth as I have lived, or maybe it just hurts to lose a generation. As one generation passes to the next suddenly the stillness of losing pieces of your family hits harder, and who amongst us doesn't wish we could pick up the phone and talk with a relative no longer here? I wish I could but this year in August it will be 10 years. Where has it gone? And where is it leading? I do...remember Mama.
The way we experience loss as a child is acute hysterics and high drama, the way we feel loss as an adult is that aching emptiness that does not go away. I'm not certain which one hurts more....
ReplyDeleteTime flying is natures way of helping us heal...or making us feel old.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel... Sometimes it feels like the loss was yesterday, and other times, it feels like it has been forever since you spoke to your loved one. It is about 23 years since my dad passed away and that number never makes sense to me..
ReplyDeleteThank goodness you have the few things you have. I wish too I would have taken the time to get more information out of my grandmother. If we have any one reading these comments who still has a grandmother living, please learn from our mistakes. Let them tell you about their life growing up, take notes while they are talking - you will never be sorry you spent the time doing that.
ReplyDeleteYou can ask for information, but it doesn't necessarily mean you'll get it or you'll get what you are hoping for. I too regard the loss of knowledge that passes with the loss of each person. I asked my mom for her life history, she didn't do it and now she has leukemia and only a couple months left. My grandmother wrote pages for me, but it was the same story on each page. I kept them anyway, they were done out of love.
ReplyDeleteThis is a lovely tribute to your grandmother, and we appreciate your sharing your personal thoughts and remembrances of her.
ReplyDeleteWe know the hurt of your heart. Your grandmother must have been a special lady indeed. We hope you smile more than you cry when you remember her.
ReplyDeletelove,
Katie & Glogirly
Lovely post to a very special grandma.
ReplyDeleteHugs Madi and mom
All the things you said are so true.
ReplyDeleteI have many of the same regrets but when life is happening we think there's always time, or there's not enough time today I'll do it next week.
My dad's been gone for 17 years and my sister for just over 1 year. I think all the "I wish" thoughts every day but who would have known she'd get terribly sick be gone at 60?
That is all so true. I sometimes wish I could do things over. But you can't so we just have to enjoy the moment and do what we can to help other people and animals. I am just glad I am still here. Take care.
ReplyDeleteWhen your parents are gone, it feels like there is nothing between you and eternity! I am glad my mum is still around, but still miss my dad who died seven years ago! yes we must make the most of the time we have with them.
ReplyDeleteSuch a touching post and so true. I do think as we age and the next generation passes, we feel a sadness that we didn't talk to them or spend more time with them. All those memories are lost really. It has been 33 years since my grandmother passed and there is so much I don't know of her life.
ReplyDeleteMy grandparents, three of them died before and then just after my 12th birthday so I never got to know tham. The remaining one was so far away I never got to see him but rarely before he too passed away.
ReplyDeleteYour post is lovely and makes me wish I had something too, to hold in my hand that is tangible..of my grandparents.
xox Katie's Mom
I do miss my grandparents so.
ReplyDeleteMy grandfather died at 99 years old. My mother recently gave me a card that he kept that I sent him decades ago. It is very special to me.
ReplyDeleteI really loved your memories of your Grama. Mine passed away in '74 when I was only sixteen. I realized many years later she was one of the most spiritual people I had ever met. She taught me a lot about human behavior & I appreciate that. I was also one of those grandchildren who didnt ask about her past. The really cool thing was several years later I got a letter from a distant cousin because he was compiling our family tree. Later on he sent me pictures of my grandmother as a girl with my great & great great grandparents!!! That was amazing & all I really needed to know. I sincerely hope that you have wonderful memories of your Grama.
ReplyDeleteCheers, Marlene
I think that as we age,we start to understand what is important and what has meaning.
ReplyDeleteIt is important to enjoy each and every day on this earth :)