Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Abby's Journey, The Sixth Month

Grief, during these past six months since losing Abby, has been my teacher. At first, I riled and raged and cried against it, as I did most painful experiences in my life.  I fought the lessons and the process, outraged that my life had been so cruelly disrupted, but my patient teacher persisted.  Sometimes stern, often compassionate, my teacher continued to gently guide me to the lessons I needed to learn in order to move forward.  These were the hardest things I’d ever been asked to learn.
In fact, I confused them with punishment, which in some ways helped me to turn inward for an answer as to why this was happening to me.  But, I couldn’t really be sure the lessons would serve me until, I felt I had nothing left to lose.  That’s when I learned to listen; to observe the lessons coming out of the chaos around me, like one of those pictures where a perfectly clear 3D image finally emerges from a mess of dots when you stare at it for long enough. 
Grief’s lessons transformed me and I think that was Abby’s purpose in this world.  I miss her desperately but I thank her for her legacy of lessons and love.
We still have far to go, Abby and I. I doubt our journey will be complete until the end, where I am able to hold her again in my arms. My sorrows have lessen by the gentle soft chafing of time taking little bits of the sadness away. Although I am very well aware of moments of being completely engulfed in a wave the size of a tsunami and tumbling through the strong undertow and being lost. Those moments are fewer than they were six months ago. Six months ago I could only see darkness. Now there is a dim light, like a candle off in the darkness, which can be seen burning. I walk towards that light knowing I am walking towards a reunion. I have many steps to go to arrive at that destination but I am steadily moving on this path. Abby & I. She is in the lead and I can just catch a glimpse of an outline, a silhouette of a cat with no tail. She is waiting up head just beyond my reach, but she is there, and I am here but I go on.

 ***
Six month Abby.
Six months.
184 days to be exact. 
There will be another 184, and then another, the days will follow each other one by one. I will see you clearer with each passing one and my grief is lessen by this. I will always measure my days by that moment in August when you were here one moment and gone the next. As much as I miss you, I am eternally grateful for our lives together and our life journey still to come.

***
So Abby let's take our trip to the Moon.
I love you Abby
to the Moon
and back
Again
and again
and again...
Always & Forever

28 comments:

  1. Soft kitty purrs to you. Thinking of you for not just Abby but for Grace-

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  2. My heart really is broken for you today. :-(

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  3. Praying that your heart can heal after these two sad and terrible losses. Remember, your girls are always with you in your thoughts and heart. Purrs and paw-pats, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

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  4. That's a beautiful tribute to Abby.

    I guess that they can teach us just as much when they have gone as when they were here. It's beholden to us to learn to listen more to their lessons when they are here as we never know just when they won't be here anymore

    Sending love

    The Ape xx
    and Mungo

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  5. nos amours de chats, je le pense aussi, nous donnent une magnifique leçon d'amour.
    C'est émouvant de vous lire.
    Laurence

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  6. I miss mine gorgeous sweet tuxie angel but I know that she is always just a whisper away for me to talk to. And now I know that she is caring for Gracie at the Bridge. Perhaps she needed to pave the way.

    soft kitty kissies to you MomDebra, I love you! - Abby's adoring floofy cocoapuffmeezerman Sammy

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  7. Hugs, hugs and more hugs from all of us.

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  8. Debra, you have such a way with words... such eloquence which to me speaks volumes about your soul. Just beautiful. I believe I still have a lot of work to do here for the cats, but I like you look forward to that day... I look forward to - not the pearly gate - but a gate full of little bright lights... a gate full of recognizable furry faces. All those which in the end I wasn't able to help (sadly too many). What a happy reunion that will be!
    Thank you for sharing these sad but inspirational thoughts today. So evocative.
    xox

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  9. Oh dear me we are so very sorry to read of Gracie's passing...I know for sure Abby was at the Rainbow Bridge waiting to give Gracie a gentle hug and nose tap.

    We send you all lots of hugs
    and purrs
    Madi and Cecilia

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  10. xoxoxoxo

    =^..^=

    xoxoxoxo

    ~~~~~~~

    xoxoxoxo

    =^..^=

    XOXOXOXO

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  11. Your words are beautiful! Prayers and love to you as you deal with the loss of Gracie and Abby

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  12. This is so beautiful...
    You have a way of stirring our hearts and touching us so very deeply.

    We are so very sorry about Gracie. We just hope that joy and understanding will continue to find you.

    (((purrs)))
    ~Glogirly

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  13. Your words are beautiful! Prayers and love to you as you deal with the loss of Gracie and Abby

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  14. Lovely tribute to Abby.
    It really is hard to let go when a dear cat touches your heart so much and then they leave you. I feel that way with Tillie,and still have mixed emotions.
    We are purring and sending you happy ,caring thoughts today,especially now that Gracie has joined Abby at the Bridge.
    Yes they teach us ,but sometimes the lessons are mighty hard.
    Purrs Georgia and Julie,
    Treasure,JJ
    and Angels Tiger and Tillie
    and mom Nancy

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  15. Our hearts hurt for you today. Sending love and purrs from all of us.

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  16. Six months! The time goes by so quickly, yet also so slowly. Extra big hugs and purrs for you, for Abby and for Gracie.

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  17. Wishing you a day of quiet reflection and peace.

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  18. We are so sorry for all the loss you've had over these six months.

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  19. Thinking of you today. Sending love and purrs.

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  20. We are thinking of you with much love today. And sending hugs, purrs and prayers...

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  21. We know the pain all to well! so sorry!

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  22. TBT here: It's wrong to just say "I know". But "I know". Skeeter and LC went ove the Bridge within 13 minths. Riles, Rages, and Cries don't help.

    I've tried them, and I know almost everyone has tried them. It doesn't work.

    Forgive me, but the path you must move along is "acceptence". It may take years. It has for me.

    I can only hope that you will eventually turn your grief to rememberance and let the hole in your heart heal enough to allow you to focus on the "now" again. It is what we HAVE to do when we lose our dear furfriends...

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  23. As hard as it is, it's good to know each step is moving towards light. Abby is a brilliant teacher, as brilliant as a brightest star. She'll always help you find your true North on this journey.
    More hugs and purrs are on their way from a fellow traveler.

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  24. I like Cat Wisdom's comment and the last line in particular. For I too am a fellow traveler. We will never be completely all right until we see them and hold them again.

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  25. *Tutu holds Mom Debra's hands in her paws and purrs gently*

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  26. It is nearly 5 years since I had to let my Heart, my Samoyed Oskar head OTRB. There is still NEVER a day I don't think about and miss him. The sharp edges of the pain dulls, but the love never weakens. The days draw closer to when he will sing me home and I can bury my face in his beautiful ruff and hug him and never let go. I understand in my own way what you are going through and send you comfort and {{hugs}}
    Marty's Mom

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  27. I am so sorry to learn of Gracie's passing. I know you will find comfort that she is with Abby now and you two beautiful girls are together. Your tribute to Gracie very beautiful and touching. Love and hugs, Jobi and Fisher

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