Abby's Journey: The Day After

Please let me know if you can see the pictures now there was a glitch with the other posting.

Abby Sunday 8-11-2013
She is still so so beautiful.
She wanted to get back up in her chair.
So she did.
It cost her, a lot.
This was right before the first cardiomyopathy episode.

Abby resting. 

After her attack, her Daddy and I sat with her.
She looks worn down, worn out.

After seeing her so tired  from that event I just took her
into the master bedroom.
Where we stayed for the next 36 hours together.
Our last 36 hours.
Me and my girl.
Just us two.
Two girls together.

I purposefully did not use flash.
There is extremely low light conditions in my north
facing bedroom.
I  got a lot of blurry pictures.
But, I didn't care.
Blurry is fine.

I thought it was so cute when she stretched out Sunday afternoon.
I was struck by the light streaming in and those little odd white
"spots" are actually the sun filtering through the window.

This was after our long hard night.
It was hard for both of us.
But the look of love is there between us.
Always Abby Always.

She has taken refuge into my chair and is all curled up
Monday morning, August 12th.

Later on that day, she crawled up my chest and sat against my heart.
I am a right handed person. I had my right hand supporting
her bottom, my little Canon camera was sitting on my left side
so I grabbed it and manipulated it with my left hand looking downward.
I did not want to disturb her as she slept and she had no idea
I was taking pictures.

Abby no more pills baby. 

 

 

 

I have had this little box for many years now.
I used it to keep my growing collection of whiskers.
I cut some of Abby's fur and added it in.
This verse has always touched me.
Nothing could be more appropriate now.

Yesterday we took Abby on her final Vet trip.
She was wrapped up in the burgandy throw you have seen in
many of the pictures I took of her. It was a very hard
trip. Very hard. It was the last time I would ever touch or see
my baby on this earth. I know she was not "there", that it was
only her frail little body, but it was the only thing I had to hang onto.
The Vet and their staff were so comforting and compassionate
with us, and I know I left her in good caring hands. We are having
her privately cremated. She will come home to me in about a
week. I have always intended that she will be with me when I pass
over, I think she would want that too.

Yesterday after Abby's Daddy and I got home all I could do was
aimlessly wander. I did this. I did that. I tried taking care of some
of the things we would no longer be needing for Abby. I just had to
put them away, discard them, give them to someone. I just had to.
I couldn't look at it.
But,
I love flowers and being outdoors in the garden. So yesterday it
was so surprising to me to find this butterfly. This butterfly followed
me all over the yard, even to places that did not have flowers.
I know it may seem odd to feel this way, but I believe it was Abby.
And again this morning when I went outside to try and photograph some flowers
this one particular butterfly it kept flying circles around me. Like a lasso.
I mean it flew around and around me.
I stood there in my front yard sobbing.
Calling
Abby
Abby
Abby 
***
 2:45PM UPDATE
I just came in again from watering in the yard.
(It's hot here in FL got to water flowers everyday)
I was standing there with the hose
and that same butterfly appeared.
I know, I know it's Abby.
A sign of metamorphosis.
Which Abby just did.
Oh Abby.
Oh my baby.
I love you.
You encircled me with your love my baby girl.

Last night when the crescent moon was up
I went outside and into the night sky I said over
and over and over...
Abby
I 
love you
to the moon
and back
again
and 
again
and again.
***
I feel she heard me.
I wish I could tell you I feel her presence,
but I don't, not yet.
But I hope one day I will.
***
There are so many Abby stories I must share.
So Abby will continue to be a vital part of this blog.
I have tens of thousands of pictures I haven't posted.
Oh don't worry I won't do them all at once!
MOL
But, I am thinking I will continue on with Abby
on her Tuxie Tuesday postings. I need to share her.
***
I also want to tell you that both Abby's Daddy and I
have felt the true compassion from all of you.
He took great solace in all of the comments left
for Abby and for us.
This is a very caring community.
It lifts spirits up when they are falling down.
So thank you from both of us, from all of us.
Abby, Abby's Daddy and me.
I know there is so much more I would like to share
and although this may seem like it
it is still not the tribute I want to pay my girl.
I just can't quite bear to look at all
of those images I have of her.
But, I must say, that I was  stunned when I began
editing Abby's last pictures. In my Mother's eyes on August 11th
and 12th she looked great. But now that I look at the
photographs I realize, oh I realize how far down she
had gone in only 15 days. It was an unsettling discovery.
She is now restored to full health and vigor
and I am grateful. I am grateful that I was able to share
these past 8 years with her. So so very grateful.
She gave me so many gifts and she still is.
***
I can think of nothing more fitting today, that describes
exactly my feelings than this song by Garth Brooks.
And I am grateful in that blissfully unaware state that I did
not know the way it all would end
or the way it would go.
And yes
I would never 
miss
this 
dance
Abby.
Never! 

***
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Holding you, I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say? You know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
It's my life, it's better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance