Saturday, July 11, 2020

Three years ago

Some days 
I feel like I'm conquering
the world in your honor;
And some days,
I feel as if I'm lost in
a sea of heartache in your absence.

The presence of absence
is everywhere.

Today marks 3 years since I lost my Father.
When I woke up to a world
totally alien to me.
It began like a normal day, the sun rose and
the morning began, but before I was
fully awake I received a call from my Mother
that she could not wake up my Father.
She could not comprehend that at that moment
he would never awaken again.
He was gone.
There had been no imminent indication to
expect this to happen. He just died quietly in
his sleep, gently slipping from this world
to the next one.
For us, life would never feel the same.

I've been on a long journey since I lost Abby in
2013 to understand loss and grief.
Perhaps losing her was the part of my Journey
that would prepare me for losing those that 
I also hold near and dear.
It helped me understand a lot of what was going
on within me and around me.

But, it doesn't make it any easier.

I'm lost out here.
Looking for
I don't know what it is.

I found this photo recently my hand touching
my baby girl. I'm still reaching Abby.
Even though I can't touch you, I'm still reaching
for you.

But the storm does come,
and none of us escapes it.

I want to go back to this.
When life was good
and I was safe.
I'm not safe anymore.
And life is hard.
I miss you Daddy.
I miss you Abby.
I love you both
and I'm grateful for all that you
blessed me with.
I'm grateful you were a part of my life.
Or I was a part of yours.
I miss that and nothing ever can
replace that.
You have one Father.
If you're lucky you get one soul animal.
Now you're both gone from my sight.
For now.
I tell myself it's temporary.
But, it's still a longer Journey for me to go.


It's been said,
time heals all wounds,
I do not agree.
the wound remains.
In time, the mind, 
protecting it's sanity,
covers them with scar tissue
and the pain lessens.
But it's never gone.

It's July 11, 2020, and 3 years ago my Father died.
My wound is deep,
and it will never heal.


  1. Lots of purrs to you today. Losing your father is really, really hard.

  2. Hugs for you as you remember your father. It was a good peaceful way for him to go quietly in his sleep, but a terrible devastating time for those left behind and who love him dearly.

  3. Hugs from all of us. Sometimes the journey sure gets bumpy.

  4. The saddest part of life is the ending of it.
    It is so final.
    Sending you lots of purrs and virtual hugs <3
    Purrs,Georgia and Julie

  5. The loss of a parent, who was once your anchor and biggest cheerleader is profound. Sending hugs.

  6. There are hurts that just don't go away. Passing peacefully as your dad did was a blessing, but it's such a shock and hole for those left behind.

  7. Sending love and gentle purrs to you, especially today. I miss my dad every day, too.

  8. Sending lots of love and soft purrs to you today

  9. No, it never heals. All we can do is try to keep going. They wouldn't like it if we stopped because of them. They are the reasons for us to keep going. But it never heals.

  10. I too lost my Father unexpectedly, and still treasure the picture of our last family was in 1956.


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