So she said:
Take the love that you have for me, and spread it around.
***
Now I have.
But it is not easy to "move on". Some days I still haven't. I get stuck when something happens that draws me back in time. Getting through all the major Holidays was an emotional hurdle. I think it is for many who are thinking about loved ones no longer with us.
***
I spoke with a Medium in December and found it very cathartic. I know to some this may sound like a desperate thing and to others it may sound like reaching for straws. It was not like that at all for me. I went into it very skeptical and was quickly assured by what was being said to me that I was indeed getting communications from Abby. Let me just say this, there were things that NO ONE knew but Abby and me and that is why I believe. I'm not going to say that this experience suddenly made me completely happy and fulfilled but it helped me a great deal in handling my sadness for Abby. Knowing now what I do know and feel is comforting for me and has given me some peace inside my heart.
***
Right before Christmas, we had to make a trip over to the Vet's office and one of the Vet Techs gave us the clipping of Abby's fur from August 2013. When we took her for her last trip over to the Vet's they were going to cut a locket of her fur for me. The day we picked up her ashes I did not look inside I was too upset. When we got home and I didn't find the fur, I assumed that somehow it was overlooked or lost and I just couldn't handle asking. I didn't want to be told either thing so I just let it go. So imagine my surprise -- no imagine my shock when this appeared. I immediately went right back to feeling like the day it all happened and it was very raw and emotional. I couldn't understand why this happened NOW? I don't have a definitive answer. The only thing I can think of, in a positive way is that Abby wanted me to have as a last parting gift this past Christmas, a piece of her physical body as that is what I am missing so very much. When I touched the fur it was her all over again to me.
***
One of the things the Medium helped me with was understanding was more about the Spiritual side of life. Abby's Spirit is alive and well and lives right here with me beside me. The only thing gone is the physical, this vessel we get around in this world. So having her fur show up mere days before Christmas was her final gift to me. She was saving it. I mean why would the Vet Tech wait 4 months to give it to me? Why hold onto it once you found it? There are no coincidences in life.
***
So the road of this Journey opens up and I am trying to spread our love, Abby's and mine, by opening up our home to a new young life. Abby approves and wanted this to happen and helped to make this happen. I believe that with all of my heart, because there are too many things that had to happen just right for it to occur and it's no coincidence.
***
But, I can no more talk about Annabelle, Boo, Ping, Jinx or Gracie without including my Abby. Because to me she is still here just different. Our Spirits are too closely tied and interwoven for her not to be a part of everything and she will continue to be. I do miss her physical presence here and I know I always always will but I feel her Spirit and I know she hears me when I speak to her, and I know she's waiting. Waiting for me.
***
To the Moon Abby.
I love you to the Moon and back
again and again and again
Forever.
TBT here: This is tricky to reply to. On one hand, I don't think there is any value to "mediums" at all. On the other hand, whatever makes you happy has some value.
ReplyDeleteBut mostly, I wish you peace as time passes. I know it won't be a short time. I still weep with longing for Skeeter sometimes after 5 years. Only time can heal a wounded heart.
Yes I agree with the first commenter that time heals all wounds or dulls the pain that losing the physical side of Abby. I do believe that Abby is with you in spirit.
ReplyDeleteEmma and Buster
My human has never really gotten over losing the cat before me, but it has been easier to live with over time ("over time" means 12 years this coming February, BTW). She does not believe in an afterlife... but she does not NOT believe in it either. She keeps an open mind, but knows she will only find out for sure when her time comes.
ReplyDeleteMy mom has me as her first kitty. She has never have same experience as you but she can tell how hard is going to be. For herself, what you have to deal. It's not easy to let go. Because you love Abby very very very much. Same as my mom love me. And I love my mom.
ReplyDeleteI was locked in for 3 days 2 nights. I have 6 food bowls. But I couldn't eat. I only ate 1 and a half bowls because my mom used to pet me and sing for me when I'm eating. I miss her.
About the mediums, Like Mark's Mews said whatever makes you happy. It will make us happy too.
Many Hugs from Me & My mom
((((((( HUGS ))))))
Finding peace after the death of a pet is so challenging. Everyone's journey through it is different. I am glad you are finding peace. Lee and Phod
ReplyDeleteAbby will be much happier now since you can acknowledge she is still with you.
ReplyDeleteOur pets might leave but mom believes they leave paw prints all around. Often Madi is fast asleep then takes off like a rocket..some call it night crazies...mom says it could be she is chasing Milky-way or Toto
ReplyDeleteHugs
Madi your bfff
I know Sweet Praline's spirit is still with me, but the pain is much less than it was a couple of years ago. Every once in a while the emotions come roaring back like it was yesterday, but she sent Truffle and Brûlée to me for comfort and I enjoy every day with them. I hope you're able to find some peace soon.
ReplyDeleteIt really is a daily journey, isn't it? The head peep went through so much with Rhett that sometimes losing him is so immediate that it seems like it just happened. And we have, sadly, lost two more seniors since then... but certain cats just stay with you that way. It gets better, though, one day at a time, slowly so that you don't notice it. The pain is less immediate, and the memories slowly become happy instead of just painful reminders. That time does arrive, but you have to let yourself go on that journey with Abby to get there. We send lots of purrs as you go, step by step with her (and with Annabelle looking on, too).
ReplyDeleteIt is most interesting to read the comments thus far. Clearly, the passing of our pets affects us all in many different and similar ways.
ReplyDeleteAs Hailey and Zaphod said, "everyone's journey through it is different", but also very similar.
Losing Tiger was sad, but at 17 I felt I was saying goodbye to a kitty that had a good,happy life and it was her time to move on.
I am glad her passing was peaceful.
With Tillie it was completely different and much harder.
After Mickey passed, she became my heart kitty and I was not ready to say goodbye at all. Her passing was so sudden and she is much harder to let go of.Right now I do not feel her presence, just an enormous sense of loss. Maybe it hurts too much to sense her. Some cats are just harder to let go of.
I enjoy reading your journey as I am on one too, and often get something out of your thoughts.
It is amazing how much of an impact these furry little creatures make on our hearts.
Hugs,Nancy
I was so bereft when we suddenly lost Dusty to CHF. I too became convinced of a spiritual "side" when Rupert appeared at our door a year later. It's like Dust found a new vessel to inhabit, the two are so identical in looks, and more eerily, mannerisms. I don't think Dusty was *done* and made his way back. Rupert is one of my favorites, although I love 'em all...
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you know Abby is still there for you.
I love this picture of Abby. It's just perfect. I can only imagine how hard it must have been to receive her fur four months later. I can understand how sad that must have been. I wish you much peace and comfort.
ReplyDeleteWe know all to well the journey of grief, and send you all our comforting purrs as you continue down the path. We are so very glad you now have another sweet loving soul in your physical life, with Annabelle.
ReplyDeleteWhen my bunny, Looppy passed away suddenly, I was so consumed by grief it affected poor Whisky. It's been 12 years now and I still miss her though when I think of her, it would be of happy memories of the time we spent together. She was my heart bunny and I still talk to her. :)
ReplyDeleteWe may or may not go through many incarnations, but the soul lives forever, and stays where it loves and is loved. Abby knew her fur would have been too painful to touch in August, but you were ready in December, and she arranged to be there with you. Blessings on your journey.
ReplyDeleteThe photo at the top is beautiful.
I agree that Abby must be included when you talk about the others. She will always be there. I always talk about Eric and often mention things he does in comments. He will always be with me, I just wish I could cuddle him again.
ReplyDeleteMom says she appreciated your post and outlook on the past five months. She knows it has been a very hard journey for you. Purrs and hugs, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo
ReplyDeleteronrons d'Opale et Sonye
ReplyDeleteI think you have taken another big step in the healing process. Abby will always be part of your life and she should never be forgotten. If that medium brought you some comfort, that it was good you saw her. I have had no experience with that sort of thing, so have no opinion on it!
ReplyDeleteIt's been a honor to observe your grieving journey and I send hugs at this milestone. As you know, we share many of the same beliefs and love the synchroncity of Abby's bittersweet Christmas gift to you. It shows how far and well you've traveled on this journey. Five months feels like a blink, like it happened yesterday and yet somehow timeless. How does it feel to you?
ReplyDeleteI truly feel that our pets are with us always, even after they leave this world. Especially one as special as Abby is to you. She will always be with you...maybe not physically...but spiritually. I really believe that.
ReplyDeleteSue
Island Cats' Mom
I am so glad that the medium helped you so much. I am also glad that you opened your love to another kitty. Abby will be with you always.
ReplyDeleteIt's so true. Abby will be with you always and forever. Just in a different way for now.
ReplyDeleteI, too, have found it very special to witness your grief journey and grieve right along with you. I think that I may process things similarly to you. If my Inka had passed while I was part of the blogging community, I would have shared that journey as well. Always thinking of you and sending you gentle purrs. (How special that Abby's fur came to you at this point in time.)
ReplyDelete