C.2013
So we do our first Mancat Monday without Mr Jinx here,
but he is still apart of our family, nevertheless.
***
It's been awfully quiet.
You know when you lose someone, you don't always know
what will come. There are things that take you by surprise,
and one of the main things I was so accustomed to with Jinx
was his chattering away, it was a constant background noise.
I must admit, it bothered me from time to time, and I
would tell him to shush! Now of course I so wish he were here
to talk to me. I've told myself countless times
to never do this, but it's happened to me repeatedly.
You wish for something to 'stop' and then
when it does you wish it would 'start'.
I guess that is just one of the many things
that is paradoxical about life and loss.
***
I've looked for him in so many places.
He really was a big part of the glue that held the past
to the present. I know I've told the story about how
Jinx, Ping & Boo came here, but it was
Jinx that kept the 3 of them together.
I learned that throughout
the years. He was their leader, and in turn he became
"the" leader. Quietly leading with his presence.
***
Things have changed, patterns and habits will be
altered, a new normal will one day seem
"normal". But it will take awhile.
I'm worn down by all care giving and loss.
Whether you are a caregiver to a person or an animal
it takes its toll. It's such a seismic shift, because you go
from all this 'stuff' you have to do to
nothing.
Your head and heart can't quite catch up
to the sudden
shift from 100 mph to 0.
ZERO.
It's partly explains why it's so hard
because all that you've been
used to doing ceases to exist.
***
To try and end this messy train of thought,
I have to say
Mr Jinx had a good life.
It started off bumpy, and yes
being abandoned was not ideal,
but at least he found a real home.
He was well loved for nearly 18 years.
No one wants someone they love to leave,
but he had a long happy life.
For that I am grateful.
***
He was simply put a good boy.
Oh, yes, thhe bonds we make when we have to give care far beyond the regualr TLC care s so time consumong...and then...like you say. Poof, there you are with all the semi hospital stuff and no one to take care of...
ReplyDeleteThat happened with our Minko, and also with Pipo and MJF, but the worst feeling of loss I had was with Minko, because if I didn't do for him what he couldn't/wouldn't he would have died long before the three years of his illness. And suddenly without warning he was gone forever:(
I always enjoyed seeing Mr Jinx here in your blog, he had such a wise face:)
Hugs to you at this time.
((((( ♥ )))))
Every journey with another being is so unique. Boodie was shy, quiet, and almost invisible. But after she was gone, the silence in the house was deafening. I'm glad Mr. Jinx enriched your life for so many years.
ReplyDeleteIt is sad that Mr Jinx is gone, but he will always be near in your heart and in your memories.
ReplyDeleteHe was such a sweet kitty and you will miss his compand. Hugs and purrs.
Purrs, Julie and mum
(((hugs))) it's always so hard when they leave us. Never enough time.
ReplyDeleteVery sweet tribute to Mr. Jinx. Sometimes my hubby gets annoyed with Emmy pestering him like a dog at dinner and I remind him that someday he will wish she was there to do that. XO
ReplyDeleteMr. Jinx was a quiet guy with a loving heart...
ReplyDeleteA very beautiful tribute.
Hugs Cecilia
This is a lovely tribute to Mr.Jinx. It is so hard when they have to leave us. The more we love the harder the pain.
ReplyDeleteYes, the change is so noticible, especially the noises and change in routines. We all loved your handsome Mr. Jinx.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand what you mean about wishing for something to stop, but then that's what you miss when it's gone. Sending purrs and love...
ReplyDeleteI understand fully. I have and still go thru that awfulness , the jolt of the complete ceasing of what was always there.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful tribute to a beautiful young man kitty. RIP Mr Jinx.
ReplyDeleteIt was especially hard when my Josie died. I was always looking at her corner to see her. They make an impression on our lives, certainly. If Mr Jinx was with you for eighteen years, then he would have forgotten long ago all about those other humans who abandoned him. There was only you and the wonderful home you provided for him. A good boy, and a lucky boy.
ReplyDeleteThe soul speaks and the heart is crying. You have said it so well. And as a "once" longtime caregiver of humans and animals and losing all suddenly, there is a crash ... the new normal for me never seemed to arrive ...
ReplyDeleteLosing a family member of 18 years is beyond difficult and the transition to life without them takes time. I think you never really get over the lack of their presence, you just learn to go forward without it. Hopeuflly, in time, the stress & sadness of caregiving and loss will fade and there will be mostly memories of the wonderful life that you shared with Mr. Jinx.
ReplyDelete