Monday, September 05, 2022

And So It Is


I really don't know how to begin this post.
There's a lot I wanted to write down but
the words seem to be hard to come by.

***

In 2005 I started blogging because I wanted
a journal about Abby. I wanted something
that was as permanent as it could be, and it 
turned into a great deal more than just talking
about Abby, but it was borne in the idea that she
was the thing it all centered around.
When I lost her, I went down a very steep dark
road, and it's been a rocky one ever since.
My life has been no harder or easier than
anyone else's but we all deal with things
differently. I chose to share some of my deep
inner insecurities and sadness and I know
that isn't 'fun' read by any stretch of the imagination.

***

But, things have changed.
Blogging has changed.
Life is so different.
And so much harder.
There are so very few of the us
left who began
cat blogging from the mid-2000's,
and most all of the cats,
if not all,
have all gone to
the Rainbow Bridge.
Every single cat that passes over,
I feel a deep sadness over, 
as I'm sure you
do as well. 
Maybe some more than
others because you knew them more.
But I feel the loss because of my own
cat losses,
 and we all know the feelings
that come out when we have to say
 farewell.

***

I think I've come to the conclusion
that it's time to take a pause.
Maybe a fork in the road.
I didn't want to leave and not explain
because I look back at the list on my feeds
and see so many blogs and one day
they stopped.
I still wonder why.
(Still wondering)

***
I feel I owe you, 
those of you who
drop by a final word.
I've stepped back so much from social media
because there is so much struggle
and sadness I carry inside.
I've finally come to understand a great deal 
of it but I still carry it.
A lot of days it grows heavy to 
carry it.
And it's made me draw inward more 
than ever, and then of course
the entire world was forced to draw inward
because of Covid19 and that only made
life more isolating.

***
I know that by drawing myself off  I was
not seeing much traffic, and I really do
understand that. But it's a self filling prophecy
that when you do "x", "y" happens.
And it did for me.
It was my doing by not engaging that led
to not being engaged with.

***
So I think a hiatus is called for.
I will post from time to time, I still feel so
strongly that it is the story tellers who 
keep alive the memories of those who 
have gone before and I owe it to my Abby,
to post the days of most significance. 
And also the others cats as well.

***
I thank all who have read this and who have
come and visited with us.
I apologize for not being a better visitor to you
because I wasn't able to do it.
But I do cherish all the memories.
Keep well.
Keep strong.
Onward...


 

16 comments:

  1. I do understand. When Flynn left I was already in a bad place having been told 3 months before that the cancer had returned and there was no cure or viable operation. I was also getting bad effects from the chemo pills. I loved Flynn dearly and Eric too, but I took his passing much harder than I should have and will never get over it. You were one of our first visitors when we started in 2006, and as you say, blogging has changed so much over the years. I consider it to have been more fun back then.
    After Flynn I didn't have the energy to carry on with the blog. To be truthful I didn't want to carry on with life, but with Ivor's help I got past that.
    I wanted to keep the boys' memory alive for me as well as for others and that was why I decided to do a once a week memories post. For Friday's post I was looking for the original of one of the photos and there were several videos on that file. I have never looked at a video since Flynn, but I stopped and watched all of them. I was in floods of tears but I am glad I watched them.
    I have gone off subject but I wish you well in whatever you decide to do. Thank you for letting us know as there is nothing worse than someone just disappearing and being left wondering what happened.

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  2. I have been in my own dark place for other reasons, and I think having someone to care for, to love, has kept me going for many years. I also think that some of us, often those to tend to the introverted side, can feel things much more deeply than more extroverted people--or perhaps it's more that we process it differently, are less resilient, perhaps. I absolutely understand the turning inward to an unhealthy degree, and the more time that passes, the harder it is to change that even if we desire to do so.

    Whatever you decide to do, whenever you decide to do it--return to blogging or not--please take good care of your Self first and foremost. Please do/read/watch things that bring you joy, that feed your soul. IMO, social media, for the most part, does not do those things, so you're wise to step back from it its ugliness and divisiveness.

    You might find that by stepping away, other things open up. It's often the way of life, that we need to let something go before something new can come into our lives.

    Wherever your Journey takes you, be well and walk in Light. ♥

    Kim

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  3. I will surely miss you and I don't even "know" you ... nor you me. I do appreciate that you took the time to write this becuase I too wonder where people go ... You have brought a bit of happy every day and I thank you and I hope to be hearing from you again some day. Please take care of YOU.

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  4. We are sorry to hear you are stepping away from blogging. We do understand and will miss you.

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  5. We are very sad to hear you are stepping away, but we too understand, so much has changed since the glory years. Your sweet kitties touched many hearts thanks to you and we'll always be grateful to have you as a friend. Hugs and love from us.

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  6. Thank you for this post explaining things.Yes things have changed and many sweet cats and people are gone.
    Thanks for sharing your time with us. Mum and I wish you peace and hope you fine the happiness yo deserve. Pop in once in a while to say Hi. Until tthen..."thanks for the memories"
    Purrs, Julie and mum

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  7. I'm sorry that you feel you must pause in bloging - perhaps stop all together - but I understand. It may be that talking to someone will help; if there is any chance of that, take it. But if it is a matter of being quiet for a moment, and letting the world pass you by, then take that moment. But never forget that you have friends.

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  8. I will miss you. I am glad you will still post once in a while though. XO

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  9. We completely understand and will miss you, but will be here when you do post. Sending love and purrs...

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  10. I can relate. Sometimes I feel the same as you. I don’t share my feelings with others much. But I am sorry to see you go and hope you will at least occasionally blog and let us know how you and the kitties are doing. Be well.

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  11. Thank you for baring your heart for us, and its OK to stop/take a break from Blogging. I didn't come into Blogville until about 2016, but even since then there have been many things changing.
    I wish you all the best in whatever path you decide to walk on/in.
    And a ton of hugs too.
    (((((((((( ♥ ))))))))))

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  12. We totally understand where you are coming from. We pretty much stopped blogging about a year ago after first starting in 2006. Just burnt out. We do post once in awhile. We so enjoyed all your posts and photos over the years. Much love and happiness to all of you.

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  13. The tears are running down my face, because we feel the same about the kitties and some bloggers who left for the rainbowbridge and the bond you felt with them, even if you didn't knew them and with the furriends you thought you had on the blog that at once disappeared without telling you. It's a heartbreak after heartbreak and I thought about stopping too. The time is right to follow your heart and go wherever it leads you. We sure going to miss you and grateful that you told us about your plans and I hope from the bottom of my heart, that you and your kitties will be okay in the meantime. Know that we're always here for you and patiently waiting on the blog or by mail. Love Light and Pawkisses from Heaven just for you🐾😽💞

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  14. when my honey sunshine passed in 2015, it totally crushed me, even to this day. i have no family, gidget is my family. a lot of days she is the only reason for my joy in life. checking all the catblogs in the morning is a major source of joy for me everyday. covid has been very isolating as is growing old. every day i check your blog even if i do not leave a post. just the beautiful photos make my day better, of all the blogs i visit. not to sound glib, but i take what i can get these days any where that i can get it. tomorrow is another day to see what comes. we all have got to do what is right for each of us. when in doubt, kiss da kitties!!!!

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  15. Debra sending understanding to you. I thank you for taking the time to let us know and not just disappear. Take care of YOU. COVID did much more than cause physical things it really and truly messed with so many mentally.
    Your kitties were some of Madi's very first friends.
    Hugs Cecilia

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  16. Two months later, I'm glad to know where you went. We all need to step away now and then. Just know that we still think about you and all your felines in the fur and in spirit.

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