And So It Is

I really don't know how to begin this post.

There's a lot I wanted to write down but

the words seem to be hard to come by.

***

In 2005 I started blogging because I wanted

a journal about Abby. I wanted something

that was as permanent as it could be, and it 

turned into a great deal more than just talking

about Abby, but it was borne in the idea that she

was the thing it all centered around.

When I lost her, I went down a very steep dark

road, and it's been a rocky one ever since.

My life has been no harder or easier than

anyone else's but we all deal with things

differently. I chose to share some of my deep

inner insecurities and sadness and I know

that isn't 'fun' read by any stretch of the imagination.

***

But, things have changed.

Blogging has changed.

Life is so different.

And so much harder.

There are so very few of the us

left who began

cat blogging from the mid-2000's,

and most all of the cats,

if not all,

have all gone to

the Rainbow Bridge.

Every single cat that passes over,

I feel a deep sadness over, 

as I'm sure you

do as well. 

Maybe some more than

others because you knew them more.

But I feel the loss because of my own

cat losses,

 and we all know the feelings

that come out when we have to say

 farewell.

***

I think I've come to the conclusion

that it's time to take a pause.

Maybe a fork in the road.

I didn't want to leave and not explain

because I look back at the list on my feeds

and see so many blogs and one day

they stopped.

I still wonder why.

(Still wondering)

***

I feel I owe you, 

those of you who

drop by a final word.

I've stepped back so much from social media

because there is so much struggle

and sadness I carry inside.

I've finally come to understand a great deal 

of it but I still carry it.

A lot of days it grows heavy to 

carry it.

And it's made me draw inward more 

than ever, and then of course

the entire world was forced to draw inward

because of Covid19 and that only made

life more isolating.

***

I know that by drawing myself off  I was

not seeing much traffic, and I really do

understand that. But it's a self filling prophecy

that when you do "x", "y" happens.

And it did for me.

It was my doing by not engaging that led

to not being engaged with.

***

So I think a hiatus is called for.

I will post from time to time, I still feel so

strongly that it is the story tellers who 

keep alive the memories of those who 

have gone before and I owe it to my Abby,

to post the days of most significance. 

And also the others cats as well.

***

I thank all who have read this and who have

come and visited with us.

I apologize for not being a better visitor to you

because I wasn't able to do it.

But I do cherish all the memories.

Keep well.

Keep strong.

Onward...