Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your
laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper the sorrow carves into your being,
the more joy you can contain.
-Kahlil Gibran
Where I go to talk to Abby each morning.
*****
In the real world, tragedies and losses affect us deeply and profoundly. We cannot forget the past and we certainly do not remained unscarred from them. Each loss affects us irrevocably. When someone we loves dies, the deepest loss of all, a part of us dies with them, and life will never, ever be the same.
How can we expect to love someone, lose someone -- and not be changed inexorably? How could we think it would be a speedy process? Isn't it more likely that grieving will have aftershocks of loss for the rest of our lives? Grief morphs through time, and that person before the loss is forever changed. Healing will happen because everyone finds ways of healing. Those raw jagged pangs of acute grief will fade but just like a deep wound would leave a lasting scar, a profound loss will leave a deep emotional scar that will at times be very painful. Grief is not a short term process; I don't even believe it's a long term process; I believe it is a life time process. Grieving for Abby will become integrated into each layer of my life. It will be apart of who I am going forward. It will continue to be redefined now and forever as does my relationship with Abby. Death will not end my relationship with Abby, it will forge a new one -- one rooted not on her physical presence in my life but on her memory, her dauntless spirit and our love.
Grief is a universal human experience cutting across all boundaries.
It is a fluid lifelong process to make meaning out of loss.
*****
Yesterday I was finally able to go out in the Blogosphere and look at the many tributes and memorials for my girl. I would like to list the ones that I found that so honored her and express my gratitude for your kindnesses in remembering her. There is much truth in saying that something in me heals in connecting with all of you, you help me to connect to my girl through memories and recollections. Thank you for sharing her.
- Meezer Tails -- Sammy, Miles
- Cat Post Intelligencer -- Chey, Gemini,Ichiro
- Island Cats-- Wally, Ernie, Zoey
- On A More Personal Note -- Stella O'Houligan
- Brian's Home -- Brian and all of his sisters
- Cat Wisdom --Merlin, Odin, Gris Gris
- Derby & Ducky
- Four White Paws -- The Cat Guy
- Catitude -- Quinn & Angel Brandi
- George Clooney -- & Neytiri
- Sometimes Cat Herd You --Pierre, Ashton, Newton & the cousins
- The Cat On My Head-- all 9 of you
- Mark's Mews--Ayla, Iza, Marly & TBT
- Cat Chat -- Cody & Caren
- Jasper McKitten --Jasper, Josie, Maggie & Huggy Bear
- Fuzzy Tails -- Derry & Nicki
- Madi & Mom
- Emma & Buster
- Cats of the Wild Woods
- Katie Isabella
- Timmy Tomcat
- Simba's Antics -- Simba & Audrey
- Fl Furkids--Raz, Allie,Ellie, Angels Sniffe,Clifford &Tamir
- The Cat Blogosphere.
- Felines Follies -- Angel Sandy and little Abb
- Cherry City Kitties
- Life From A Cat's Perspective -- Samantha, Clementine, Maverick & Mr Tigger
If I have missed anyone I would really like to honor you so please let me know.
*****
A very good and kind soul shared something with me yesterday that helped me take a small step in this grief journey I am on. I mentioned in my update yesterday on Boo's posting that I was feeling I was getting farther and farther away from Abby as the day she left me was slowly fading into the past. But, she shared with me this thought: instead of thinking about moving from her, think about moving towards her. I am one step closer to being reunited with my girl as I move forward. I know she will wait for me to be with her and she just took the lead in this journey ,somehow there is comfort in that for me as I hate to think I have lost her for all my time left. So YES I took my friend's advise and last night at 9:55PM I went outside, I looked up at the Moon which here was shrouded in clouds and I told my girl:
I love you Abby
to the MOON
and back
again and again and again.
But Abby I am stepping towards you.
I am one day closer to being there with you.
Momma is coming.
But I have to take small baby steps.
Wait for me baby.
Watch over me until I can get there.
*****
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