A few weeks ago I had to open a new bag of dried cat food.
It brought back a slew of memories.
Tears flowed.
You see Abby was always the first one to christen a new bag. She always had to have first dibs on it. First by marking it and then by having the first few bites out of the bag which I would let her get herself. She really enjoyed that.
Abby was keeping all the other kitties away from her "treasured" bag of kibble.
She waiting now on top of the counter for her first taste.
Waiting....
Score!!!!
Oh Abby I still see you sitting right here. I see you as plain as day. I miss those beautiful amber eyes staring back at me. I think every day of the things we shared, and I talk to you as if you were still with me in your physical form. I know you must get very tired of me telling you the same thing over and over again, but I just can't stop missing your presence. Missing your ways. Missing your bigger than life personality. Missing you.
I love you Abby, love you more than these simple yet powerful words can convey. I am making progress Abby. I am not as apt to break down into tears as I did just a few short weeks ago. It's only 64 days since you've gone. Sixty four. The days they continue to roll by Abby. Soon October will turn into November and then December and then this gosh awful year will close. I thought I was glad to see August end, but I think the end of 2013 will be good for me to see over. Perhaps 2014 will show more promise. Maybe there will be more bright days than dim ones. I know you would not want me to continue to feel the nothingness I am feeling now, but I don't know how to make it better, so I am just following the advise of those who have made this journey and doing the best I can. I am hoping that the passage of time will wear away the hollowness and I will find that my mind will not be dwelling on your loss, but rather on your life. Because I do sincerely feel blessed that you came to me and I will always feel that was a gift, each day with you was a gift for which I am grateful. So please bear with me while I walk this path alone towards you and into the light of healing and wholeness.
***
UPDATE
DaddyCat got moved from the hospital to a Rehab facility yesterday.
It was very hard on him, very hard.
The transition wasn't as smooth as hoped for, but in the scheme of things, we have discovered that is just the way things go. DaddyCat has some serious difficulties to overcome plus rehab his surgically repaired leg. We are praying for healing and Rehab to work.
(((Hugs))) and purrs. Abby is waiting patiently, with love, for the day your energies meet again. But we hope that's not for a long time yet, in human terms.
ReplyDeletePeace.
P.S. We hope your husband's recovery is going well.
more healing purrs for DaddyCat.
ReplyDeleteSo many reminders of Abby. Even though it's been years since I lost my Max, every so often I see something that flashes me back. Sweet memories.
I'm so sorry you are still grieving so desperately for your Abby. I am hoping that the bitter sting will soon dissapate and be replaced by all of the sweet, lovely and happy memories you made together.
ReplyDeletePraying your hubby's rehab is a complete success and that he'll be home soon.
big hugs honey xoxo
I'm so sorry for your lost :(! Abby was beautiful girl! Hugs, Francesca
ReplyDeleteWe hope DaddyCat's leg will heal soon and the rehab will help.
ReplyDeleteLuv Hannah and Lucy xx xx
The loving memories are everywhere. Purrs to the Daddy from all of us.
ReplyDeletePurrs to DaddyCat. We are sorry things did not go so easily. We are sure that you will find Abby everywhere, but hope that those are good memories, reminding you that she will never leave you.
ReplyDeleteBetter have a fresh bag of food with you when you go...JOKE! Scott and I often talk about the things we'll get to do again in the next plane.
ReplyDeletePrayers for your Hubby--one day at a time.
We just love Angel Abby she was for sure an individual who marched to her own beat...and everyone knew she was first!!
ReplyDeleteRehab after surgery is always tough the first few days. Still getting over medications from the hospital, being bedridden and regaining energy..slow and steady and one day at a time. Tell Daddycat he only gets one time to heal properly so take baby steps...everyone heals differently.
hugs madi and mom
Sending purrs for DaddyKat. We hope things get easier for him and your Mommy. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteI am sending lots of purrs to your husband, and to you, today.
ReplyDeleteWe are sending lots and lots of purrs to your Daddycat and your Mommy too.
ReplyDeleteAbby was so polite to wait for her first taste. We know some kitty here would have ripped right into the bag. ;)
Your memories of Abby are everywhere, and so strong, because of the amazing and special bond you shared (and will always share).
ReplyDeleteSending purrs and prayers for DaddyCat's leg, and for all of you as you miss sweet Abby.
best fishes for yur dad guys...purrhaps him shuld wrap sum trout ...ore flounder...round iz leg...him mite bee surprized how much beeter hiz leg feels...plus he will smell grate.....look style ish and haza handee snak close bye :)
ReplyDelete((Hugs)) we thinks of sweet Abby often.
ReplyDeleteHealing purrs for Daddycat, we hope his leg is better soon.
Sending huge hugs...i still find myself prone to tears over my lost babies..it doesn't take much..but the fun memories are more frequent..i know they are there but it is the physical that you miss so much.I hope your hubby recovers soon,it seems you have ,more than your fair share of sad about at this time.hugs again Fozziemum xx
ReplyDeleteWe are sending good thoughts and purrs to you today! xox
ReplyDeleteI think of my babies now gone and tears still come. They are just so dear and loved and each an individual family member. I understand. I hope time will soothe the worst of the pain. I hope your husband will be able to get readjusted to his present regimen and that he heals up quickly.
ReplyDeleteWe hope that the tight grip that grief has on your heart will start to ease once you get through more of the "firsts" that sneak up on you. Abby will always be with you, and there will always be reminders of her, but in time, they will be things that will make you smile instead of cry each time.
ReplyDeleteWe're purring for DaddyCat. Shifting to rehab is tough, both physically when you make the move and the changes in nurses and therapists who have grown to know you. Tell DaddyCat that we said to do what the physical or occupational therapist says. They will help him recover so much faster.
We're also purring for you. You have your hands so full right now. Be sure to find time to be kind to yourself.
Love, purrs, and hugs from all of us.
Dear sweet little girl. I didn't grieve "properly" for Scooby. I grieved the way others thought I should....by trying to act like I wasn't affected. That was wrong. And I feel guilty for it. I grieved in private, but felt obliged to let it go. Wrong, wrong, wrong. His ashes sit on the bookshelf near "my chair" but today I ran across his cremation certificate and sympathy cards I received in my box of "special things" and I cried again. Its been 18 months. I have a bit of his fur in a locket that I wear and that helps. I will put some of Shaggy's in there with his when that day comes (they are littermate brothers.) I go back in my mind so often to that day, not surprising since I pass the spot in the hall where he died so tragically and suddenly in my arms. I wish I could have done something differently. If I'd come upstairs with the laundry 5 seconds sooner I would have been able to intercept him. Oh my beautiful sleek Scooby I miss you so.
ReplyDeleteYou both have our purrs, both of you have so much to deal with. We hope everything will become easier soon. We bear things because we must, but we are praying your load will lighten.
ReplyDeleteYes, you have so much going on right now for sure. We are holding you in our thoughts and prayers. Prayers to Daddy and to Miss Boo. (Love that last picture of Abby, it is gorgeous.)
ReplyDeleteAbby will be in your heart and watching over you always and forever. Purrs and hugs, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo
ReplyDeleteOur mombean hides our stash of catfood in a totebox, but she still has to put heavy things on it so we don't break in.
ReplyDeleteWe send lots of purrs and healing thoughts for Daddycat and his rehab goes well.
courage, ronrons pour DaddyCat
ReplyDeleteWhat a sweet Abby post today. Keeping DaddyCat in our thoughts and purrs.
ReplyDeletePurrs and woofs for Daddycat.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry that I've been missing for so long. Just catching your blog now and then wasn't enough to really keep up on the news. I'm happy DaddyCat had his knees taken care of. It will be a long road ahead for him, but once it's over he will be so glad he had it done. Thoughts and prayers are with all of you. We hope he has a successful and complete recovery.
ReplyDelete