Monday, June 17, 2024

Boo is home

She's home.

I love you Boo.
I miss you.


Wednesday, June 12, 2024

One Week -- Thank you


A week has passed since Boo received her angel wings.πŸ‘Ό 

Not much has changed.
So much has changed.

Somehow the ebb and flow of time
wears away at you.

It's the first time I've only had one cat
(Annabelle) since 2004.

It's very different.

I miss Boo in ways I can't even begin to explain.
How disruptive it is to have a someone in 
your life for so many years and suddenly,,
they've just gone away.
Vanished into thin air.
One moment a beating heart,
and the next second none.
So many things can disappear in an instant.

But thank you to everyone who stopped by
with a kind word, a prayer or a purr,
each one meant a great deal to me.
More than I can possibly tell you.


I know we all find that as one day leads into 
another, that to others the loss that is felt in
the household it happens in loses its punch.
It's forgotten.
That is just the way it is.
Doesn't matter the severity of how it dismantles
one life.
I'm struck by that, and I have been on both sides
many times. Until it embeds itself into your 
inner sanctum it's hard to fathom.


Grief carries itself for a long time.
Its devastation is felt long after the 
shock of it wears away and 
everyone goes on with their lives.
I wish I knew an answer, but I've yet to find one.
I've been searching since I lost my Abby.
Now all 5 of the original cats are gone:
Abby (2013)
Gracie (2014)
Jinx (2021)
Ping (2023)
Boo (2024)

Can't wrap my mind around it all.

All of them so deeply loved,
and greatly missed,
and filled with gratitude for them blessing my time with them.

Tuesday, June 11, 2024

World Pet Memorial Day







Thursday, June 06, 2024

The Closing Circle


How do I sum up 20 years' worth of memories?
How do I express how much is within 
that time frame?
I begin with where it began,
and it all began with her.
In 2004 some foolish person abandoned 3 cats near by
home and they were adopted by me and my husband.
Boo, Ping & Mr Jinx.
Jinx was the first to leave in 2021,
followed by Ping in 2023,
and now the circle is complete and 
Boo is with her two brothers.
Boo was my final link to Abby.
Abby is my soul cat who left in 2013.
It's over, the circle has closed,
and has been completed.
My husband passed in 2021.
They're all gone now and together again.

 I suppose the mission of this blog in keeping
Abby's memories are done.
Because there are no more memories to make.
But I had to give one last final homage to the one who started it all.

Boo you were such a quiet mystery.
When we first met you were elusive and standoffish,
and typically, feline.
But as time marched on and each cat left us,
more of your personality emerged and you began showing yourself.
Towards the final years you became more
affectionate and you stuck to me like glue.

There was never NOT a time though, that you were not
docile and sweet natured.
You rejected conflict with Annabelle who so enjoyed
bedeviling you 
 even to the morning of your final day.
Oh that bratty sister I can hear you meowing!
These last years you stayed close by to me following me
wherever I went and nestled up to me at night.
I have to tell you Boo last night was hard,
knowing you weren't here beside me anymore.
At least not physically, although I hope you stay close by spiritually.
Breaking those habits of seeing you every moment
will take me some time to process.

I find it hard to believe that there isn't a one of us who 
doesn't question our decisions to say farewell.
Even though it's been in my general thoughts because of 
advancing age, I knew your time was nearer.
What was unexpected was how suddenly things turned.

To give some insight, last year my Mothers 14-year-old Jack Russell
developed seizures. I saw the progression of what Muffy went through
 and listened
to her Vet talk about what to expect.
A few weeks ago, Boo began having facial tics. They were
few and far between, but I kept watching her.
My main goal and concern was just keeping her
comfortable as she aged. I didn't want to subject her to 
a lot of medical visits if I didn't need to.
But on Tuesday evening, 6/4/24 something very different happened.
She was sleeping next to me in a chair and suddenly she started
acting like she was going to vomit, she was drooling heavily
from her mouth and she lost her balance and became disoriented.
She was having a seizure.

It was all over very quickly but I knew things had changed.
 After we went to bed, she had another attack.
Subsequently followed by more.
I knew.
That dreadful unflinching knowing.
From seeing what my Mothers dog went through I 
knew where it was headed.
I didn't want it to get as severe as I had witnessed with Muffy.

I got an urgent care appointment on Wednesday (6/5) 
 and my heart knew.
As I drove her to the Vet's office, that knowing feeling grew and grew.
I couldn't let her suffer with more attacks.
Even with medication, how much time was
I buying her? Was it for me or her?
I have been through enough losses that my decision was not to let
things get worse and not subject her to endless vet appointments
and needles and pills.
She was seemingly fine while the Vet examined her.
I had videoed her last attack. 
I shared it with the Vet.
The Vet knew too.
But she offered me a few options.
None of them offered anything but maybe
a small amount of time.

Did I want to make that decision to a cat that seemed
 OK right at the moment.
NO! I didn't.
Every fiber of my being wanted to grab her and run out the door. 
I didn't want to leave with an empty carrying case.
I just knew it was all so unfair.
Unfair to her to continue on and unfair to let her go.
I had to choose, and I did.
I let her go...
As it turned out I was the final person in the office,
and as I left,
with my empty carrier,
the rain was falling like the tears down my face.

Part of me feels settled with the decision because I know Boo had a 
long and happy life.
But it's never enough.
Even though rationally I know I did the right thing, my heart doesn't
feel that way.
Hard decisions are hard.

 I loved you for so many years, decades, and you loved me.
That love doesn't die, I know this.
It will live on inside of me until I am reunited again with all
of my boys and girls.
But it hurts like hell.
I've gone through a lot of loss, and it never gets easier.
The older you become the more the losses add up.

It's always hardest on the ones left behind.
We have to live with just memories of what once was.
Face a future with the absence of that which our heart
was deeply attached to.
Even though I have great gratitude for all the years,
the bitterness of the loss will hurt for some time to come
Until the heart forms it's scar tissue over that wound
and the memories will be more comforting than hurtful.

I know that the loss of my girl won't change the world,
but it changed my world, and it's gotten much bleaker
without her.
She was an angel while she was here and now, she's an angel
with fine silk gossamer wings.
Her health has been restored and she young again
with a beautiful coat that shines like silk 
as in the photos above of her in her prime, 
and she's happy.
I will tell myself these things and believe them.
For that is what I want for her.

 Boo I miss you.
 Boo I remember that day twenty years ago,
of you dashing across the yard like a rocket through the air,
you were so fast.
You raced the wind,
now you can again.
I will always remember you racing to me that day.
It's etched in my mind like the beauty of a sunset.
I've keep looking for you, but I can't find you.
You were just here and now you're not.
I know one day I'll be ok, just not today,
and maybe not tomorrow either,
or even weeks from now.
But soon.
I love you my sweet girl.
I just love you.

Thank you Ann for the lovely badge.

Thank you to Meerier's Mews for the 
lovely tribute.


Sunday, February 11, 2024

A Decade Later

Today, I remember you.
I remember this day, from 10 years ago.
10 years!?!?!?

See that beautiful face?
10 years ago I knew we only had precious moments left.

The appointment had been made for 4 pm.

I soaked in that February afternoon with you.

I knew it was time.
You were suffering.
It was so hard for you to breathe with all
that fluid.

I had done the procedure to remove the fluid from
your lungs only the day before and your Vet and I 
agreed if it came back there would be no more of
that hardship for you to endure.

It was hard to come to that realization.
That medicine could not help you any more.

You were so young.
It was so unfair.
You should have had more time.
I needed you to have more time.

But, my sweet Gracie Grace, we both ran out
of time and I held you as you left this Earth on
this day in 2014.
I miss you my dearest little tabby girl.
I always will.
One day I pray to hold you again.
And this time, we won't ever be parted.
Love you forever and ever.


Saturday, January 06, 2024

One Year Ago


It was one year ago today that you picked to leave me
here and go on up ahead in your next journey.

But I am reminded so much of you.
and I do miss seeing your handsome face.

You were a real character, a sweet
imperfect angel.

Oh those eyes.
Oh those whiskers.
There will never be another Ping.

We all still miss you
and know in our hearts you are
running and jumping and sailing through
the air with ease like you always did
with your acrobatic abilities.
Wait for us.
One day, one day,
we'll join you in your idyllic world.
And all of us will be together forever.


Saturday, August 12, 2023

When A Heart Breaks

Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as like they're here to stay
oh I believe in Yesterday.
~Lennon & Mccartney

Yes, it does seem like Yesterday, but indeed today
marks 10 years. 
10 years?
Where did the time go?

I spent some time,
just recently, 
going through the entire postings
from late July 2013 until
the end of August 2013.
I haven't ever done that.
I have to confess,
I wasn't able to go through 
every post even now.

You know my dearest Abby, 
you are never far away in my thoughts.
I miss you just as much this day, as I did the moment your spirit
left your body in my arms.
And there are moments when I still have that gut punch and I 
feel the tremendous loss of you all over again,
but those moments are fewer and far between.

You taught me so much over these past ten years.
You helped me let Gracie go with the understanding it was
best for her rather than fighting a losing battle.
I learned from you that Jinx would tell me in his own
way that it was time to depart and I gave him his wish.
And finally Ping...oh Ping what a guy he was.

You taught me about Grief and Unconditional Love.
So many lessons. Many I'm still learning.
Boo is not far behind all of you, and although she is doing
well for now, I know her time is short.
Then you all will be together again, the Fab Five.
Which will be another big moment in my life.

I know that I need no words to tell you this, because from
my heart to yours there is no need of words.
But I began this blog for you, and I kept it going after you left,
for a while at least. Until it became too hard to keep going.

Wait for me my special one.
Wait for me just up ahead.
One day will be my day to join you.
I can't wait to see you reach up
and put your paws around my neck
like you used to do, so many years ago.

I love you, Abby.
I love you more than stars in the sky,
and water in the oceans.
I love you beyond this universe.
Into that great beyond,
and by God,
I will be with you there
one day.

I love you to the Moon πŸŒ™
and back
and again 
πŸŒ™and again.



Thursday, August 03, 2023

Another turn around the sun

Today's it's your birthday!

My beautiful girl is 12.

I can't believe how quickly 
the time has gone.

She still seems like a kitten.

Happy happy birthday Miss Annabelle!


Thursday, July 13, 2023

Mama Mina

I'll always remember lil mama.



Saturday, July 01, 2023